I Surndr

Wordless not Wednesday!

2012-01-23T20:23:00.000-06:00

my little brother...is a Man

The usual....WW :)

2012-01-04T10:52:00.000-06:00

My PFD is dehydrated. Help.

WW (wordless Wed. of course!)

2011-12-29T10:33:00.000-06:00

Feeling kinda crazy today :P

Word Wednesday!

2011-12-21T19:26:00.001-06:00

So wordless Wednesday is turning into word Wednesday...this is a good thing! This week has been busy, I have been working at least 7 hrs a day, then coming home and creating. I have made tie-dye, custom TOMS shoes, and Wrap pants. I'm more than willing to teach you how to do these or make you some (for a small fee of course :P )

Tie Dye
A co-worker wanted/ needed a few white shirts dyed so I did those. Also I recently found a neat batikesque method here at Sweet Verbena. Using this method I made the shirt pictured below for a wonderful young lady I know. I soon hope to make more!

Custom TOMS Shoes
We sell TOMS shoes at my work. When you buy a pair of TOMS you put shoes on a child somewhere. While this may sound all nice and warm and fluffy it's actually a life saving reality!

This summer one of my best friends went to Uganda. She walked around barefoot a few times, I mean it was just sand right? She came home with a Jigger infection in her feet. All because she walked barefoot a few times! Jigger infections can kill if not properly taken care of. A common method is to remove Jiggers is to slice open the foot, remove the parasite, pour peroxide on the wound and leave...with a still open wound, a wound that allows more jiggers in as well as a host of other potentially deadly infections.

...People buy these shoes for fashion not caring that they may be saving a life...this amazes me. I am glad for the life saved but I really wish they knew more about the entire situation...knowledge is power right?

Anyhow we have started to sell TOMS with custom embroidery provided by yours truly ;)

Feather Pin

Got bored and made a hair pin :)

Wrap Pants

Yesterday I made some wrap pants. O MY goodness are these comfy! At first I was worried about modesty as these wrap around you and are not stitched everywhere, however because of how the are designed it is literally impossible to show more than you calf . These pants look just like a skirt almost as well. I am definaltly making some more! Please forgive the poor photos...

If you want any of the above mentioned projects instructions or you want me to make you something just let me know!

Mostly Wordless Wednesday

2011-12-14T22:45:00.000-06:00


Mike, Mark and Nelson.

This is supposed to be a Wordless Wednesday, but I've got things to say. These three guys got me into kayaking. I'm not very good yet. I don't have all the needed gear and I still swim, but I'll be forever indebted to them for letting me borrow helmets and boats and everything in between. One of them was always there to pull me out and get me to try again. Thanks mi brosef's I owe you :)

Wordless Wednesday: Semester is over!

2011-12-07T12:54:00.001-06:00

Mop-Top Monday

2011-12-05T16:48:00.000-06:00

Wordless Wednesday: Home on the Range

2011-11-30T23:36:00.001-06:00

Rachel over at A City on a Hill does this wordless Wednesday thing...I like the idea so I'm going to give it a try. Here we goes :]

hmmm

2011-11-28T10:35:00.001-06:00

http://dixonhomestead.com/rachel/?p=8231

Picture of the day...life is rough.

2011-11-12T23:40:00.003-06:00

I will make it, I have no choice but to survive. I don't know how but I'm gonna figure it out. I will get back to where I was, I will learn to walk again no matter how hard.

Memories bring life?

2011-11-06T22:26:00.001-06:00

It has been beautifully fally out the past few days and with this season the memories flood in, some are welcome, some sting, all are beautiful. I am learning so much this season it really is amazingly hard and wonderful.

These days I'm wearing a lot of Noli outfits...they each spring a memory. First there is the astral cap from one of my best friends...I love this hat. I remember backpacking, sweating, and laughing all whilst wearing this hat. These days when I'm lonely or stressed or when I'm incredibly happy it is kinda like a security blanket that brings hope of a friendship that may one day be renewed. Second the Supa Gangster Muppets T-shirt reminds me of the world’s neatest thrift store and friends that push me out of my comfort zone...then to my surprise I realize I love the unknown. Memories warm my heart a lot these days...it is a nice thing. As I wander after my professor in my dendrology lab amongst the chatter of classmates I find myself becoming thinky. I consider the memories of the hat I'm wearing, how far I have come and how beautiful my world is.

This has been a crazy six months I have grown up as is usual for the summer/fall semester. I have messed up. I have learned. I have loved much and hurt much. I don't regret but relish memories. I hope. I miss and am anxious. I am content with where I am but discontent with how it's going to take more to get where I want to be. Some days the stress and confusion knocks me over, some days I can't think straight. That type of stressful day is thankfully occurring less and less but they still strike and when they do they suck.

I'm fearful to post this because of how people will react...will they question for clarity or assume? Will they understand or be affronted? I don’t care…if I need to I’ll just tell them “No, I’m not gonna talk about this, I love you but no.”

This semester people have questioned my relationship with God and with friends, my priorities of things, if I really cared about things, and if I am still me. Sometimes those questions were valid and I am thankful for good friends that poke me when I need poking. However these questions were usually ignorant and hurtful. I have wanted to do and be things this semester that I simply could and cannot do, it is rough. It is hard and painful to hurt those I care about, it is torturous to have to break my word again and again because things changed...things I could never have imagined.

Most of this semester I have not been thinking but simply reacting and surviving...I've been in survival mode a lot...it hurts sometimes.

My relationship with God- Recently a good friend kicked me into line about my relationship with God. I am thankful. I have been in survival mode so much this semester that I have forgotten to talk to God, I have forgotten to eat and sleep on occasion. I have forgotten that God is always there to give joy and the world has closed in around me…Shred Ready has a helmet system called H.O.G. or the Hand of God. There have been multiple times without my realizing it that God has kept my head above the waves.

The waves have almost closed over me several times this semester. I have considered running away. I have considered quitting school. I have considered disappearing. I have considered other things. I have sat in my car and cried till I could not breathe. I have lost control of my tears in classrooms more than once. I have been so stressed my entire body ached and I could not eat. I have considered becoming a robot, a person with no feelings, a person that because they love nothing they feel nothing…but I love, I cherish the good and the bad because they were/are real. So my friend knocked me into line and life has gotten much better much quicker…Haha amazing what happens when you talk to God.

My relationship with friends- I have few true friends, many associates but few people that actually know me. I have friends scattered all over the U.S. some live closer and some are closer to my heart. I have had to tell friends “no” many times this semester…it’s painful. I have very few people and I love my people deeply…when they misunderstand, when they are mad, when they don’t understand all these things are rough. I have people that do not understand that I have changed, I have people that have changed and I do not understand. I have people that know and “get it” more than others, I have other that have no clue how close they waves have come to closing in on me. I have had to tell friends I can’t be there and it is infuriating when they do not understand and a blessing when they allow me to have issues and even on occasion keep inviting me back.

My Priorities- for the most part my priorities have gone in this order School, Work, Survive, then the rest of the stuff, eat, sleep, family, friends, etc. That sounds awful. I know it does and it kinda is….but I’m still floating above the waves. I am working on reorganizing.

Do I really care? – YES! I care. Daniel went to boot camp two weeks ago. I was rock climbing while he was boarding a bus to the future. Was this wrong? Maybe. Was it wrong to Daniel and Me? No. For the month before Boot Camp me and Daniel hung out a lot and renewed our special language of brother and sister- a language that no one else understands…that’s okay, they don’t have too it is our language, and we are the only ones that need to understand and know and that it is okay. They do not need to know that I almost shred tears several times as I looked out the car window or faced that rock the day he left. They don’t need to know that I miss his snagging the good leftovers or Gestapo knocking on my door. They don’t need to know and I don’t know if knowing will help but yes I care.

Do I care about my family? – YES! This semester Family time has been brief sometimes that’s because they are mad and feel misunderstood, sometimes it is because I feel mad and misunderstood, often I am just very busy. I am trying to improve talking to family when they are around. I am working on reaching out to Samuel even if all the talks are about annoying Star Wars.

Do I care about friends that are visiting or friends that want me to visit? -YES! I love to travel, I love my people. Sometimes I have to choose one trip or person over the other and that is hard but I can’t stretch myself as far much as I may wish. I look forward to December 8thish when school ends and I can renew relationships. I do care.

Am I still me? – Yes, I have grown older and wiser. I have messed up on some things and am learning. I have loved others and hurt for others. Most people seem to grow up gradually throughout their teen years…I seem to grow up suddenly throughout the summer. I leave one girl and come back a different Woman. Sometimes that adjust is hard for me and loved ones, sometimes it is not. I am still that crazy girl that climbs trees in skirts, and uses twigs to pin up her hair. I am still the Princess that talks to her God about things at random because she needs to. I still believe in fairy tales and dark chocolate. I am still the weird girl that rocks overalls or guy’s pants , I’m still the weird girl that rolls her kayak as much as possible simply because it is FUN! I’m still the girl that believes in God’s beauty every day. I am still me. If I did not seem like the normal me this semester it is/was probably because I was super stressed, at times hurting, and defiantly learning. A big cause was probably that I forgot to talk to God…I’m working on that! Or perhaps it could be because I have changed in ways but remained the same in others which presents a confusing picture at times. I know that I am not worried about convincing others of who I am, I know who I am. I know where I stand with God. At the most basic level that is all that matters.

In conclusion, I love my hat. I love my memories. I am still me. I am different. I am a Princess. I am working on changing some things. If you have any questions/ comments/ whatever feel free to talk to me...I may help and explain, I may say I don't want to talk about it, but I will try to be fair:)

Dead

2011-10-04T10:38:00.002-05:00

My laptop is dead. It had all my chemistry bookmarks and silvics information. My ipod is on the fritz = little music. My phone is almost out of minuets. I'm broke. I'm doing bad in class. Life is crazy. Is this what college is supposed to be?

What happened to the enjoyment of learning? I think I'm gonna be a hermit now. later.

Public Service Announcement # 1

2011-09-17T10:41:00.002-05:00

Dear World,
I would love to visit you this semester but I really can not visit people this semester. I love you all. I want to visit. I do not have days off, and if on the off chance that I get one off it is used to catch up on school and sleep. I am running 24/7. God is giving me enough for every day but I am living one day at a time, thinking about the future is just to much weight to bear. I am thankful for God's provision. Please realize I am not avoiding you, I don't not like you. I am just exhausted and insanely busy. My top priorities this semester are God, School, Work, Sleep and "fun" comes after all of those are done. I love you all please, please bear with me this semester and stop asking me when I'm gonna visit or travel or hangout!
Much love
E-bizzle

Nothing...

2011-08-31T23:00:00.001-05:00

“Nothing is more practical than finding God,

that is,

than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way.

What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect  everything.  

It will decide what will get you out of bed in the  mornings, 

what you will do with your evenings, 

how you spend your  weekends, 

what you read,

who you know,

what breaks your heart,

and what  amazes you with joy and gratitude. 

Fall in love, stay in love, and it  will decide everything.”

-Pedro Arrupe 

This is cute

2011-08-15T16:39:00.000-05:00

Empty

2011-08-13T16:59:00.002-05:00

closet is full of skirts and outdoors gear and I don't want to be here.

Power

2011-06-18T07:30:00.000-05:00

Last summer I learned about how God is my protector. This summer I have been realizing the power of prayer. I prayed to get up here. God moved mountains to make it happen, and he let me have excess resources, and he has held my car together as I have put over 1,000 miles on it in 2 weeks! I really need to just make a list of all he has done in the past month... anyhow I have been learning about prayer.

I have learned that even if I don't believe yet, if I trust him he can make things happen...then I'll believe. I have learned that the best way to fight loneliness, depression, grumpiness, etc. is to start praying for people. It really has worked out quite nicely. Whenever I start to feel down I have started to pray for a few friends back home. It's hard to be sad when you are fighting for someone you love. (and maybe the devil connects prayer with attacking me...hehe God wins)

I have learned that taking steps in faith is okay. When I first started to come up here my Mom prayed, in my head I knew God good do great things, but I did not trust it with my heart. Now I trust God's ability with my heart. I pray for protection for me and others. I pray for hope, I pray for comfort, and love, for peace, and stamina, I pray for wisdom. When praying for a little sister I get peace, it almost sounds selfish that I would pray just to get peace but I'm not praying just for me.

I feel like Paula must have felt some days. I understand how her heart must have broken for her little sisters, I understand how our Titus 2 conversations are playing out in reality...it's an amazing but hard thing. I want to tell my little sisters so much. I won't go against their parents and they don't like me for that some days and that is tough. I want to hug them till their ribs crack. I want to just drive down to AL and sit in a field and talk. I want to play with chalk. I want to laugh and cry and be there for them in person. But all I have are email, text's, and letters and it's hard. Some of my girls have gone through so much and all I can do is pray. In my head I know that prayer is more than enough but it is still hard.

So I am learning to pray, little prayers, fervent prayers, half blonde oh-yeah! moment prayers, but prayers none the less.

Change Without Any Warning

2011-05-18T23:40:00.000-05:00

Love this song.
Love the stop light kinda pretty line.
Love the small town tomboy line.

I love how it encompasses all girls. While listening to it I (randomly) thought "I've never met blonde with natural curls" yeah random, I know they exist I just have never met one. Naturally curlies always seem to be brown or black hair and on occasions red heads. The title of this post is from the song...but also it's kinda the story of my last week (read previous post). Just a good girly song. :)

Summer of Opportunity (and Trust)

2011-05-15T19:51:00.000-05:00

This summer was supposed to really kick into gear around the second week of June. Things have changed. I am excited about the change, but I am also sad to be leaving friends here- friends I had hoped to hang out with this summer.

I suppose I should start at the beginning.

August 2010
I got back from summer camp in August. I was in love. I had finally found my niche..and it was not timber industry- it was outdoor recreation. I went through camp withdraws over the next 8 months.

September- November 2010
I plotted and worked to get enough money for a Wilderness First Responder (WFR) certification, but things fell through and I was not able to go. I go to TN to visit friends and fall absolutely in love (again) with TN.

January-April 2011
I again plotted and worked for enough money and time for a Whitewater rafting school, again I did not have enough money or time but I had new friends. Friends that were amazing enough to stick around AL just so I could hang out with them. I continue to visit TN as often as I have the time and gas money...it's a beautiful place (in more than one way)!

I quit my waitress job and vow never to return. I get a really good lab assistant job at school. The lab runs out of grant money and has to let me go...and I refuse to be a waitress again. I scratch by (insert amazing Parents). I get a job cleaning houses. I learn a lot about humility, patience, care, and re-realize that I really don't mind being poor- life is much simpler. I get my "dream" job working at an outdoors equipment retailer. I have applied for this job at least three times...I am elated to get it! I finally have some hope of steady money.

Massive storms and tornadoes hit AL on the 27th, the weekend I was supposed to start working. I am unable to contact the store for a week because of power outages and other chaos...so I go to TN and help friends dig their house/ property out from hundreds of downed trees. I have the time of my life. I dream big. I am really sad to leave.

May 2011
I have worked two days at my new retail job instead of ten...thank you Mr. Weather. I contact the summer camp I work for because I do not have enough money to get my CPR certification (it would have cost half the money I own). They say they can help. They offer me the Whitewater Raft Course on scholarship. They offer to help me get there. They offer me odd jobs if I need them so that I can eat while there. They promise to take care of me.

I hope, I scream inside, I am undecided and confused. I love visiting TN, I love my little sister there. I love my families up there. I had hoped that with my new retail job I would have enough money to visit TN pretty often until mid June...were all these opportunities God? Was this just wishful thinking?? I'm torn as to which road to take both are good. One is obviously God, but the other one is still really good.

My Mom had more faith than me. We prayed, she asked "If this is an open door please let it open quickly and clearly, if it's not let it slam shut". Two hours later my camp had offered to help me get up there. The next day my tax refund came in the mail. I realize that I am supposed to be in a wedding the last day of raft training. I ask the camp if this is okay- they say yes I'll just finish when I get back. The day after that I told my new boss (of three days) that I was leaving in a week- he did not fire me, he did not want me to quit. He said "Okay, just let me know before you get back so I can re-hire you". Open doors? Me thinks so.

Today
So I am going to camp about a month earlier that I had thought I would be. I am worried but I am trusting God- he has obviously opened these doors so everything will work out. I feel guilty for having told some TN friends that I would be here till June...there are things we planned to do that I probably won't be able to do now and that makes me really sad. My TN friends are one of the biggest reasons I did not mind missing the first raft training. But I am trusting that if God did all this so I can be a whitewater guide he can make the TN things work out. I am praying that I keep trusting God. I am trusting him to keep my car going. In the next two weeks I have to go to training, come back, go to a wedding, go back to camp aka 1200 miles...please pray for my car!

In conclusion
God has opened doors to give me 300+ dollars worth of things for about 150$ worth of gas money. I am trusting God for my money situation, my car, my relationships in TN, my everything. I am nervous. I am sad. I am happy. I am fearful. I am trusting. I am hopeful. I am praying. I am learning. I am feeling so many things at once it's crazy.

Love mE

Hair!

2011-05-10T19:57:00.000-05:00

I have figured out how to do a braid that looks like (very pretty) rope!

Before

After...

My hair is also (just barely) long enough to french braid or do braided pigtails. I'm excited! I have been growing it out from my pixie cut and it is FINALLY down to my shoulder blades. Super excited :)

Preparing

2011-05-09T19:47:00.001-05:00

Books from top to bottom:
Preparing to be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl
The Kings Daughters
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot
Men of Iron by Howard Pyle
String Figures and How to Make Them
The Bible
Little Women by Lousia May Alcott
Edible Wild Plants by Samuel Thayer
Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon

What are you preparing for? Are you getting ready for the last final? High School graduation? Preparing to enter a college or the work force? Are you getting ready to enter a relationship or marriage? Are you prepping for a road trip? I think that God calls us to be prepared, not to worry and stress over things but to use our intelligence to equip ourselves for the future.

I got the inspiration for this post as I began to climb into my hammock for a cookbook/ recipe search session. Summer has begun and with summer comes a schedule change. I now have a job and my chores most defiantly should be done because I have more time. But I have also been assigned cooking on Tuesday and Sunday. I can't wait! I enjoy cooking, I don't have all of it down pat but pride myself on my ability to cook a healthy yummy meal :)

In her book Preparing to be a Help Meet Debi Pearl has an entire chapter on how vital it is to begin seeking knowledge now and to never stop seeking knowledge. (Throughout the book Debi write on things that just plain make sense as to preparing.) For example did you realize that not only should I pray to be married, but I should pray for him specifically? Just because I may now know him does not mean I can't battle for him! or that instead of just "surfing" the internet I could do something like research herbs, natural foods, or creative ways to modify clothes? For example in some research for a school paper and just side information on all of my herbal research I found that refined sugar and flour are practically poison. If you doubt me research diabetes and indigenous people's health after they started eating "white people" food.

I have been preparing myself for several years in small ways. Most of the time I was not conscious of how I was equipping myself for the future, but now as I grow older I am learning how much of a blessing preparation can be. I have been trying to better equip myself to be a godly woman and one day I hope a godly wife. As part of this preparation I have done many things. In this past year I have started a hope chest, it is still small but I have a food processor, cheese shredder, some blankets, some pots, cookbooks, and a few other handy things stored away. I am learning to cut hair and so far am loving it AND have not given anyone bald spots :P Over this summer I hope to learn how to can foods. I know how to cook, clean, and sew like a champ and enjoy doing all three (most of the time). My current biggest mess up is finances- ugh they are evil! I am considering trying to live on my own for a month or two when I get back from camp...I would really really like to tackled this monster(finances) once and for all!

All this knowledge did not happen on accident! My Mom was diligent to teach me things- even when I got in her way or ruined biscuits or muffins for the second time in a row....(there IS a difference between baking powder and baking soda ;). Lately my sewing skills have come into good use as I modify summer dresses into blouses and make skirt adjustments. Though my Mom has taught me a ton of things, I have also learned from others, books, and from God. Above I showed a picture of some of my "preparing" books. I have many more but these are some of my favorites. They have everything from good nutrition to "soul food" to ways to occupy children.

In closing I encourage you to put down the fluff novel and pick up some meat! By "meat" I don't mean "boring" books. There are plenty of educational and amusing books out there to read (in my opinion most of them are older i.e. Little Women) there is also plenty to learn, just pick a topic that interests you and head to the library. Don't worry to much about diving in "deep" just get in the habit of pursuing knowledge rather than fluff. As you learn more you will naturally "dive deep" If you are an internet person than the opportunities to learn are probably even bigger than you local library- just be wise with your information sources ;) here are some websites that I have found usefull

The Bulk Herb store - a wonderful resource for learning about herbs, herbal cures, and how to use herbs (use the research aid on the right)

Ellerslie and Set Apart Girl are the Ludy's websites both have super good sermons and articles

Blogs- blogs can be a wonderful resource for everything...just be careful not to bookmark to many or they can consume your time (speaking from experience here...)

Haha I really do believe that if anything life will get crazier not simpler once I am married so I can't just dilly dally around about this learning thing. So many girls seem to expect everything to come naturally- especially once they are married. But I kinda doubt that cooking, cleaning, and basically managing a house on top of personal soul care and martial duties come as naturally as some may thing...I'm kinda betting that it's more like a flood and you have to swim up together .

Now go out and learn, find knowledge and prepare, enjoy life!

Glee

2011-05-07T18:30:00.000-05:00

10 Reasons Skirts are Better

1. Drawing your pant legs back from someone in disgust as you pass them is insufficiently scornful.

2. Studies have shown that wearing skirts is 90% effective in preventing VPL (visible panty line).

3.  You no longer have to worry about your tush being exposed to the   unfortunate individual in the desk behind you. Ditto for the “muffin   top” (when your pants hug your hips too tightly and create an unnatural   bulge above your pants)

4.  Ruffles on a skirt can be over-the-top glamorous. Ruffles on pants  are  only acceptable if your name is Mary, and a little lamb follows you   everywhere you go.

5.  It is impossible to smuggle someone in — or out — of prison, a  masked  ball, a hotel room, etc. by hiding them under your pants. (Plus,  there  is no such thing as “hooppants.”)

6. When you strap a gun to your thigh in pants, you lose the element of surprise.

7. You don’t have to have skirts hemmed differently for flats or heels.

8. Twirling in a pair of pants results in 87% less happiness.

9.  The word “skirt” has both a singular and a plural form, usable by  all  (“I am wearing a skirt today.” “Instantly Mrs. Bagnet put some pins   into her mouth, and began pinning up her skirts all round, a little   higher than the level of her grey cloak.”) The word “pants” has a   singular that can only be used by fashion-industry people (“Designers   are showing a high-waisted, wide-legged pant for fall”).

10. Skirt blowing up, revealing underthings? Flirtatious. Pants falling down, revealing underthings? Humiliating.

While I do NOT agree with number 10. The rest are so true! and I love the "hooppants"

Also I just got back from a week helping with tornado clean up. It was bliss. I LOVE love LOVE hard work. I love being tired at the end of the day. I love joking around and working with others, it truly makes me entirely happy. Anyhow three days into the week I was craving skirts :) I was wearing pants because climbing tree limb mountains and hauling wood in and out of trailers can be somewhat risky in a skirt...so I missed my skirts, just wanted to let you know. I also realized something a little more clearly I wear an awful lot of t-shirts with my skirts. While I do not think this is bad I do believe that I could do better. So for the next month I am going to try and wear things other than t-shirts every day. I will obviously still wear them when needed (at work). But otherwise I am going to try and dress it up a bit :)

More on Modesty

2011-04-24T21:53:00.001-05:00

Previously I listed a video, a sermon (free download), and the modesty survey. All three of those resources are exceptional and worth your time to investigate them....and I have three more! I have also found a few more sources that are also exceptional and worth your time.

A resource to remind us what a Real Woman is and what a Real Man is (so we don't fall for anything less ;)
For the ladies there is a nice printable reminder of things to check for when getting dressed. I have printed off all three. "Real Woman" and "Modesty Check" are taped to the door of my closet as reminders, "Real Man" is in my journal so that I don't forget what a "Real Man" is when I get lonely.

Ladies I encourage you to

"Fight the 30 minute battle to dress modestly,

so your Brothers won't have to fight all day!"

Spend the extra 5 minutes checking your outfit. Battle the want for attention and dress with loving thought of how your sacrifice will benifit others. It is better to give than to receive right?

Give love, give thought, give dignity, give honor, give freedom.

Modesty

2011-04-13T20:43:00.003-05:00

In the past I have spoken on my love for skirts and my passion for modesty. I have decided to wear skirts only unless pants are absolutely necessary (i.e. climbing, caving, rafting). I am especially trying to wear longer skirts for the following reasons.

I find it easier to act and be feminine if I am wearing a long swooshy skirt. I enjoy the benefit that pants give me, however since my heart change I have worn pants twice, both times to go creeking. The second time I realized that I no longer felt beautiful and feminine when wearing them. I had none of the mystery of a skirt, no beautiful swooshes, no extra cloth to twirl, and I missed it. I missed the feeling like a woman, like a lady, like a mysterious Princess.
I believe they are more modest and functional than knee length skirts.I do not think that all skirts shorter than mid calf are immodest. I have realized that longer skirts really are more functional though because they allow more movement while still covering me up. Also longer skirts tend to be fuller and more fun because they swish and catch the wind and are just so much fun!

I am also going to avoid tank tops- after reading the modesty survey results for how they affect guys and the reality that they really are not cooler than t-shirts because you have to layer like 5 of them. I have decided to use them for underneath layers only.

There are a few things that have brought about my decision. (note: by brothers I mean all men.)

I have brothers. When I see young ladies that are immodestly dressed or are behaving in an unladylike way I feel a mix of sorrow and anger. Sorrow that these young ladies do not embrace their Princesshood or realize how they are effecting the men around them (or they may realize but do not change their ways). Anger in that these young ladies are potentially hurting my brothers.
The Modesty Survey- A survey taken by over 1,000 men and then posted online for young ladies benefit. I go here somewhat frequently to find out how what I may wear can affect my brothers. Exceptional way to figure out how specific things affect men. There are also text responses from the guys that are super helpful because they say specifically HOW it effects them. There is a really sweet section where the guys just write to girls with encouragement and stuff.
Lastly some dear friends posted a link to this video

It is part of a sermon (link to the whole downloadable sermon is here (worth listening too!). WOW, I knew that simply because I am a girl guys will notice me and that I should do my best to protect them because of that- I did not realize how much I can affect guys. The line about guys “101 guys may devour her in their minds today” startled me, I knew that guys struggle with lust, I did not know to the extent- I am now making a conscious effort every day to protect them and myself.

Now to the guys or people that think I am being legalistic or some such thing. I do believe that guys are responsible for their thoughts. However I also believe that women are responsible to dress modestly and in a God honoring way. I do not believe that all women need to wear longer skirts or shirts with sleeves to be modest- however I do believe that it is much easier to be modest with longer skirts and shirts with sleeves. I do believe that God calls everyone to modesty not just in clothing but in actions (I am still working on both and probably will be for the rest of my life :).

Men,

if you notice a young lady that is pursing modesty please do your best to let her know that you appreciate it. Please keep on keeping on in your gentlemanly ways even when we are clueless or rude- we’re learning too! Please realize that re-training oneself to be a young lady is just as hard as it is for you guys to learn to be gentlemen. Lately I have been relearning how to let guys open doors, how to let them carry heavy things, how to accept the hand that is offered when I fall or am climbing up something. It’s hard for me to relearn these things as I live in a culture that embraces the “can do” attitude- and I can, I am not arguing that. I just believe that life is sweeter when I allow men to be Men and embrace my womanhood.

Now some random things about modesty :)

A quote

Who is Modesty? Webster describes her as “freedom from conceit or vanity” and “propriety in speech, dress and conduct.”
OK . . .
But who is she really?
She’s passionate about God and love. She seeks to build others up, encourage them and help them find a beauty beyond appearance. When she is worn, she doesn’t disappoint or make others feel uncomfortable. Never causing guys to stumble and lust. She lives and breathes true beauty.
She is subtle and pretty. She conforms to whoever puts her on and displays her beauty far better than makeup can. She doesn’t hide what makes us unique but highlights it, making us confident in every detail of who we are.
She is difficult and stubborn. She does not waver. Her standards can be high. She isn’t a follower. She’s a leader.
She is a great friend but hard to listen to. Her standards are above ours, and when we want to be like the world, she makes her opposition clear.
So Modesty introduced herself to me when I was 17, and we’ve had our ups and downs, but through it all I try to remember that she is here only to help me.
When I get up in the morning the first thing I put on is her, and then I make my clothing choices. Striving to make God smile. Not the world. Not lust. Not friends. Just God.
What about you? Have you met Modesty?

From a previous post

A Princess of God dresses modestly

Proverbs 7:10 Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent

Psalm 144:12 Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.

In his book Wild at Heart John Eldredge talks about the differences between man and woman, he says “Adam bears the likeness of God in his fierce, wild, passionate heart. Eve embodies the beauty and the mystery and the tender vulnerability of God.”
Woman was made to attract Man, we have so much power over mankind’s actions, we need to realize this and then take the responsibility to help and not hurt mankind.

As mentioned above in “A Princess of God scares the devil” we have the power to help mold or ruin men.

“modesty: tight enough to show you are a woman, loose enough to show you are a lady”

A Princess of God behaves with modesty and discretion. Little Women talks about humility and modesty in this way “Any more than its proper to wear all your bonnets and gowns and ribbons at once, that folks may know you’ve got them, added Jo and the lecture ended in a laugh.” Modesty is just that, it’s modesty, it is humble and does not run around drawing attention to itself

Learn to know and value the praise which is worth having, and to excite the admiration of excellent people by being modest as well as pretty. - Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

I hate this

2011-04-11T19:30:00.000-05:00

Rant Warning.

Some Comments Not Needed.

Again Rant Warning!

I hate that I just crawled into my hammock and laid there in the fetal position crying.

I hate that I am hoping to pass my paper with a C.

I hate that education instead of an enriching experience has become something that I struggle through. I am not having these issues simply because it is beautiful outside. For years I have done what I needed to get by - admittedly I get A's and B's but I literally don't even study anymore- what's the point. It's all so boring and most of it I have heard before so I don't need to study.

I hate that instead of enjoying "learning" I am suffering through things I have literally learned or known about for years.

I hate that my education- my true education is coming from the books I am reading and the things I am doing with my spare time- and there is very little spare time. I have considered dropping out however that is not an option. I have considered changing schools however that requires money. I have considered self - education/ online school however there are not any Internet schools that offer outdoor degrees. I'm suffocating. I'm struggling with a freaking 5 page paper! I hate it. There was a time a 5 page paper was no big issue, find a topic that interests you , research it, write, submit- no biggie and it was fun! But what about when you are assigned something and you try to be interested, you really do try, you research it, you read it, you try to learn, you sit for a month in front of an open text book and a blank computer screen and all you can think about is how screwed this all is. gosh I don't know what I'm going to do, probably post this then try and muscle out one more page of nonsense just so I don't completely flunk the assignment. Yes it is defiantly time for a break from all these stupid expectations and realities of my life.

Please don't tell me to cooperate and graduate, please don't tell me I can do this. Please don't tell me that it is just a few years. I KNOW! How else would I have made it this far if I didn't? Please don't remind me that technically I could drop out when in reality technically I can't. Please don't believe this is a "phase" because these post's One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, and Ten prove it is not. Please just don't say anything, just let me throw a fit, trash this epic fail of a research paper, and feel free tomorrow at lunch time. Thank you

I love this

2011-04-11T09:19:00.001-05:00

The world is turning neon green and I love it.
I have found literal fields of mayapples and can't wait to harvest them come August.
I woke up this morning and here is the first thing I saw

I am the luckiest girl alive! I get to sleep in a hammock every night, find fields of a wild edible plants, race around woods and rivers, make new friend near and far, have adventure, and basically live well.

Open your windows! Get rid of you blinds! Enjoy that natural light and sound, the beautiful smell of the morning, the musky smell of the afternoon, and the reassuring smell of the night.

Later :)

P.s. If you have never heard of or used Pine Tar soap you should find some and use it- it smells like woodsmoke and hard work = I like

Signs that you may have issues or passive aggressive issues.

2011-04-06T22:59:00.000-05:00

(btw this is entirely in jest I do not count any of my quirks as an issue but as blessings :)

Issues

Finding a raw deer hide and possibly brains makes you insanely excited.
Finding 8+ snails, two neon green leaves, a piece of white bark with swirls, and a toad = good day.
You just can't seem to buy clothes or shoes at full price because of thrift stores and the potential for an item to go on sale. You can't easily buy something if you know you could make it on your own i.e. book case, hammock stand, laundry bag etc.
You eat leaves off your lawn and have not used technical "shampoo" or "conditioner" in two months.
You sit at home and devise ways to be different

Passive Aggressive issues

You eat that extra burger just to tick off/ disgust the diet/toothpick girls.
You fold your brothers jeans like they are dress slacks. Hoping that he grasps that even though you are willing to help you don't appreciate being treated like his personal maid.
You wear toe shoes with skirts to annoy that one guy who keeps critiquing your fashion sense.
You go barefoot just to say "I can HA!"
You go out of your way to freak people out just for the fun of it
Just to be weird, you listen to "White and Nerdy" in areas populated by non-Caucasians, or you listen to Lecrae on a campus dominated by Rap. You listen to them loudly

"Let us be Elegent or Die"

2011-04-02T21:55:00.003-05:00

I love wearing skirts. I am tough, I won't cry when I get bruised or broken, but when it comes to wearing skirts in the cold I'm a wimp. Hence the reason I wear skirts practically 24/7 for only 7 months of the year. That is going to change because I just had a flash of genius. Instead of wearing jeans under skirts which can be cute but also adds weird lumps I have come up with two different leg warmers/ jean substitutes for under my skirts.

Jean Leg Warmers
1) Get a pair of jeans from the thrift store, size really does not matter as you are going to cut the leg off of them.


Get jeans and chop 'em up!

2) Put them on inside out and pull them snug. Safety pin along the line of your leg.

Don't poke yourself!

3)Turn right side out and make sure they look okay :)

There will be pin gaps, don't worry about them

Who needs ridiculously priced jean leggings anyway??

4)Take them off. Connect the safety pins with a marker line.

It's okay to have thoughts of "Connect the Dots".

5) Cut off excess on marker line. Then using the STRETCH stitch (and fun colored thread) on your machine sew them up. Don't forger to sew around the top as well.

Note the purple thread. It's these small secrets that make us Princesses.

6) Cut off excess cloth. Turn inside out and try on.


Inside/Outside

7)Prance around the house whilst making your Brothers/Husband/Dad roll their eyes :)

They can be scrunched or just pulled on like socks. Since they are snug they stay up on their own quite well, unlike most knee socks.

8) These can also be made with sweater sleeves using the same technique. However wear that cuff part by the knee and the shoulder part by your foot.

Sweater warmers :)

Mismatched creations

Epic Success Granola Bars

2011-04-01T15:29:00.001-05:00

Several weeks ago my Mom got some super nice granola bars at a super low price. They were A-MAZ-ING however they are not cheap regularly so I decided to make my own ^__^ Here is my recipe, enjoy! (These really are an epic success I just made the recipe up in my head (to my Mom's slight concern) but they turned out super uper tasty!)

De-lush-ious!


A larger pan could make them thinner...

Epic Success Granola Bars
You will need:

1 Package Dried Cherries
1 ¼ C Juice (I used blueberry/ Pomegranate)
6 C Oats
1 C Pecans
1 ½ C Coconut
½ C Chocolate Chips
1 C Oat Bran
¼ C Flax Seeds
1 ½ TB Sea Salt (can use less)
½ C Brown Sugar
¼ C + 2 TB Molasses
2 TB Honey
½ C Oil
1 C + 2 TB Cocoa powder

1.       Chop cherries with ¼ cup juice in a food processor/ blender. The juice or some water is a must as the cherries get very sticky and thick quickly. Set aside

2.       Chop the flax seeds, pecans, coconut, and chocolate chips in the processor/blender until they are mostly ground up.

3.       Mix the Oats, oat bran, salt, pecans, flax seeds, coconut, and chocolate chips. Set mixture aside.

4.       In new bowl mix the chopped cherry paste/smoothie with the Honey, Molasses, Oil, and Coco powder.

5.       Continuously stir the Cherry mixture over medium high heat until it comes to a boil. Immediately remove from heat.

6.       Mix with Oats mixture. Press into a well greased pan. Let cool.

P.s. I am still working on a way to reduce sugar, the salt can be less but I like the zip it adds. Enjoy and if you have any questions just ask!

Au' Natural

2011-03-09T20:26:00.006-06:00

In the past I have been interested in more natural/organic ways of living- however it's seemed so expensive that I did not really pursued it. That has changed. In the past six months I have visited friends that use various natural things to maintain their personal health and appearance and after reading my friend Alix’s post here about her families products that they do and don't use. I decided to give it a try.I started with just switching over soap but then I was like “what the heck” and threw out all my "normal" stuff in one big swoop.

Lotion = Coconut Oil
(I use this...whenever I want more moisture or right after shaving)
At first I was afraid that oil = grease = nasty. Not so! It is a wonderful moisturizer that can be scented with essential oils if desired. I kinda like the coconutty smell though.

Scent/ Perfume = Essential Oil
(I use this...Whenever I feel like it!)
I have used the following oils as scents for perfume and in my hair rinses
Rose Absolute - rose smell, quite feminine and nice
Texas Cedar woos - SUPER STRONG smell so one or two drops goes super far but I love how woodsy it smells...kinda like a saw mill honestly :P
Rosemary Mint ZUM mist- this is a premixed body mist by ZUM I really like their products because they are fairly priced, work well, and smell great. I also use their goat’s milk soaps.
Frankincense and Lavender ZUM mist- another body/hair mist by ZUM this one smell really clean and kinda like baby powder to me.

And just because everyone that knows about my use of essential oils seems to ask about patchouli (they associate patchouli with hippies...idk) I don’t like the smell of patchouli! So sorry friends but no “hippie” smell here.

Deodorant- Rock/crystal Deodorant
(I use this...Everyday!)
A quick break down, when you sweat your sweat does not smell however the bacterial that grows/lives on your sweat does. So traditionally there are a few options 1. Deodorant- blocks odor by using some sort of scent 2. Anti- perspirant- blocks odor by blocking pores, aka you don’t sweat (because that is totally healthy!). Deodorant has always irritated me if it had much scent to it so for years I had skimmed by on no scent vs. body oder vs scented. Now the “crystal” that I use is basically mineral salts on a base (eloquent huh) once I wet it I use it just like normal deodorant. It does not stop my sweating however it does kill the bacteria so I do not smell, yay!

Soap- Goats Milk, Castile, Oatmeal
(I use this...whenever I feel dirty lol)
Oatmeal- I started using some oatmeal soap on my face to help with acne- that stuff really works! I still use it and yes I do still get blemishes on occasion but I’m not (never have been) too stressed about it.
ZUM Goats Milk- Moisture! And yummy yummy smells! What more can I say?
Dr. Bonner’s Castile- this is made out of natural oils and fats as opposed to weird chemicals in normal soaps. There are different scents or unscented. I have used peppermint and rose. I like the rose as you can actually smell it a bit more than the peppermint.

Shampoo- Baking Soda, Water
(I use this... about 5 days a week or any night that I am not using a rinse or conditioner)
I do not use shampoo. I have not regularly used shampoo in years-literally. When I was 13 my head exploded into curls. One of the beauty industries best kept secrets (in my opinion) is that curls and shampoo are enemies! Traditional shampoos contain lots of chemicals and lots of “Sulf-s” aka Sulfate this and Sulfateinated that. Basically the Sulfs are what 1) make it sooo nice and foamy 2) help dry out your hair. So when I learned that curls and Shampoo(and sulfs) are enemies I did away with them.

When you sweat it is sterile, it is the dirt and things that make it nasty or stinky. So simply using water and really scrub/rubbing your scalp is enough to get it clean. Now I realize that not everyone is a curly head-and that’s okay!

That is where the Baking Soda comes in. Baking Soda is a natural cleaner; you have probably heard you Grandma or Mom talk about scrubbing things with it. I use about a tablespoon or two mixed with enough water to make it soupy. I pour it on, scrub, rub, scrub, and rinse it out ta-da shampoo! Also it does not leave my hair dry or frizzy like shampoo would. If you are a curly you probably don’t need to use Baking soda very often because your hair needs as much moisture and natural oils as it can get and Baking soda can (depends on person) mess up you moisture/oil content.

Conditioner- Apple Cider Vinegar and (gasp!) egg yolk
(I use this... once or twice a week, otherwise I just scrub and rub with water :)
Apple cider Vinegar - When I heard that my friends were putting Vinegar in their hair I thought they were nuts, I thought “Don’t you smell like vinegar?”. The answer is no, once your hair dries it will not smell like vinegar, if essential oils are mixed in with the vinegar you will smell the oils but that is all.
Egg Yolk- Now onto that really weird ingredient up there in the title- egg yolk. I had read about people putting egg in their hair and had vague thought of trying it. Well I did, and I am never going back. My hair was SO so so soft (and healthy) feeling afterward it was insane! If you think about it your hair is protein and oils? And what is an egg? So it makes sense even if it is a little scary the first time. I got over the weirdness factor so quickly because my hair has never felt so nice.

Hair Rinse/ Conditioner Recipe
3 Tablespoons Apple Cider Vinegar
A few drops essential oil if wanted
Mix, pour onto top of head, scrub, rub, rub, don’t for get the ends! And rinse out

p.s. if you use cold/cooler water when rinsing you hair out or right before you get out of the shower it helps to seal the cuticle (little layers on each hair) and your hair will be shinier looking ; )

Deep Moisture Conditioner Recipe
1 egg yolk (save the white for hair styling)
3 Tablespoons Vinegar
A few drops essential oil
Mix the egg and vinegar (and oils), pour onto top of head, scrub, rub, rub, don’t for get the ends! And rinse out

BTW to the curlies out there here are three things you can to do get crazy better curls super quick
1) stop shampooing!
2) use lots of conditioner (or egg yolk...)
3) throw away the comb/brush and use your fingers or a wide tooth comb when you “HAVE” to comb your hair

Even after I had changed over to Apple Cider Vinegar instead of conditioner (remember I don’t use shampoo) I would still use normal conditioner on occasion because I was having “bad hair day” don’t give in as easily as I did to old things! Using the conditioner started a cycle of weirdness that I eventually broke by throwing out the conditioner. Here is how the “weirdness cycle” worked.
I would be using the ACV and then one day my hair would feel a little dry, so I would try more ACV still dry, so I would use normal conditioner- instantly better, or so it seemed. Then the next day my hair would be nasty so I would have to using Baking soda (shampoo), than ACV(conditioner) for moisture but it would not feel like it used to so I might try just a little bit of normal conditioner- and you can see the roller coaster effect.
I eventually figured out that

1) your body has to adjust to new things. Think of it this way for years you have been chemically strip drying your hair and scalp so it learns to produce more oils to compensate. Then you start to give it what it wants but it is still used to overproduction so you have about 13 days of weirdness before your body catches on (btw).

2) Traditional shampoos have their twin Mr. Conditioner because they do dry your hair out so then the conditioner layers on the moisture- then there is too much moisture being layered on so you have to shampoo to get the conditioner/sweat/dirt gunk off? See how this could be a (profitable) cycle. So one bad day and I was thinking “oh no! dry = chaos hair- I forgot that hair bands were invented for a reason- so I can pull it up on bad days. So on bad hair days don’t give in, just pull it up, put on a hat- or claim the bad hair day! Just stick with the ACV and your hair will be fine!

Toothpaste- Baking Soda, Tooth Soda
(I use this...every night (and some mornings(if I remember)))
Remember that little thing about your Grandma might have used it- well its true baking soda is like a super cleaner. Besides there are commercial toothpaste’s that use backing soda so it must be “okay” lol!

Baking - Basically I just dip my tooth brush into a bowl of baking soda and scrub away. One thing I have noticed is that I don’t have “morning mouth” nearly as bad if at all with the baking soda. I am not sure what is in toothpaste that caused “morning mouth” but you might give Baking soda a whirl and see...

Tooth soda - is basically a mix of salt, baking soda, and maybe some herbs or barks for flavor/ cleanliness. Also works really well but allows for more “morning mouth” than plain Baking soda

Hairstyling- egg white
(I use this... I have never used this)
I have not actually gotten up the guts to try this one but I have heard that it you whip the egg white (think meringue) it can be used as a hair spray/ mousse. Here is a link to the blog where I read about it- this is also the blog that gave me the guts to try the egg yolk...

The End :)
All you really need is water. It takes your body a while to detox and balances up your ph

So basically I have stopped using commercial lotions, scents, deodorant, soap, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, and hair styling products. I have not been "dirty" and I have not gotten super nasty hair or skin from not using these products because I am still maintaining personal health- just with different things. I would really encourage you to try changing things up- and giving the change a little time to work (remember that whole bit about your body has learned to over compensate- so it will take time to adjust.)

To quote Alix
"Your body has natural oils designed to keep you clean, and using soap messes that up, and messe itself out if you've been using stuff on it, but it'll get there. I know that sounds gross, but it's really not."

Feel free to ask questions!

Recipies for Success

2011-03-03T18:15:00.000-06:00

I have been posting a lot of things like "Peanut butter + jelly = awesomeness" on my Facebook. So now I am going to post my "Recipes for Success" here...because I can.

Jalapeno's + anything = better
Leftover meatballs + parmesan + grilled subroll + ceaser dressing/dipping sauce = goooooooder!
Game night + woodsmoke = bliss
"Cheese!!!" + "E-Bizzle!!" = happy heart
Any sandwich + jalapenos = taste bud party ;)
Woodsmoke + hair = yummy smell for a few days
Homemade bread with butter + herbal coffee + "You are Worthy" + super neat-o clouds = nice morning
Grilled homemade bread + cheese + bacon bits + jalapeno bits = good breakfast
Beautiful weather + captivity = lots of loud music and driving with the windows open
Needing to work on speech + wasting time = will finish this later
Hardwork + fellowship = happy heart
Egg yolk + 2 Tablespoons Apple vinegar = insanely amazing hair cleaners/conditioner...weird but true
Needing to talk to someone + blog = 100 posts!

Who are You (Part 3 of 3)

2011-02-27T21:22:00.002-06:00

Part 1
Part 2

I am the knight in this castle. I have fought valiantly, fiercely, and won honor and glory for my lands. I administer discipline, I keep order, I keep peace. If I, by the power granted me, dare not save myself then how can you promise to? I am the steward. I measure the vats and weigh the provisions, the sustaining food for this fortress. I know the dimensions of the castle, and if I can never know the depth and volume of this keep then how can you presume to?
I am the queen. The soldiers are mine to command. The gate only opens at my bidding. None may walk these halls without my knowing. None may enter without my permission. I am grace, power, dignity, gentleness, contentment. I have known drought and flood, famine and fire, war and rebellion. I have known treachery and loyalty, anger and peace, sorrow and joy, hate and love. Which of these do you know and which do you know in despite of your circumstances?

I wrote at the beginning of the previous post how it saddens me that I have to be my own knight. I have left rooms and jobs out of the necessity to be my own knight, and it is hard, and it hurts. I am strong and yes I have a tower, however this constant defense of my battlements hurts. I want to be able to simply trust guys- and I can trust some that I know. I am the one that reprimands my heart, I am the one that runs crying to God. I do not know the limits of my tower; I do not know how long I will stand strong. I do not assume to know that I have no weaknesses, I am sure I do. However I am the Queen of my heart. I am a Daughter of God. I will not open my tower, my heart to all that enter my lands. The below quote from the story is a good one.

“I am grace, power, dignity, gentleness, contentment. I have known drought and flood, famine and fire, war and rebellion. I have known treachery and loyalty, anger and peace, sorrow and joy, hate and love. Which of these do you know and which do you know in despite of your circumstances?”

I am a daughter of God therefore I do have grace, power etc. I have known treachery and loyalty etc. But the question at the end of the quote is what I find to be so amazing. What do we know despite our circumstances? We can be wealthy and yet know hunger if we choose to inconvenience ourselves in that way. What do you know? What have you chosen to know despite your circumstances?

A knight, you named yourself. Conqueror. Slayer. Rescuer. Savior. Turn back! Turn back and begone, I say! I have met men like you, proud and fierce. They saw not through another man’s eyes. Neither did they care to. They understood not the nature of this castle. Nor did they attempt to. Nay, their hearts were high and lofty in their own eyes while all the world saw the rags beneath the armor, rust in the scabbard, mange on the horse. Blind were they, and deaf. Stupid and foul and ignorant to the last! Begone, or else feel the full blow of my wrath. Take your presumptions with thee, I pray. They are not wanted here. Send away the knight! I cry, Send him forth from these walls and send him with haste! No knight is needed here; no knight is wanted here. Grant me a king from among the men of the earth. A king, endowed with wisdom, valor, and strength. A man that, though he be poor, yet still he offers what he was to the less fortunate. Grant me a king, generous in nature and forgiveness, a man of understanding and learning. Grant me someone who will walk to the gate and stand there. A man who will stand and ask to be let in, without deceit or trickery. A man that is merciful even to his enemies; a man that judges rightly; a man gentle in word and deed; a man strong enough to stand alone against all the hosts of the earth. Send to me that man and let him enter. Bid him come swiftly, I pray thee. Bid him come.

Knights have their place. They deserve to be “Conquerors, Slayers, Rescuers, and Saviors” but in the right context. It seems that many men today view young ladies towers as the things to be conquered and slain, that the young ladies need to be rescued and saved from their barriers. They are proud and tenacious in the goals to gain access to the towers. It saddens me because I honestly believe that some of these men do not what real a Knight is or how to become one.

I am waiting for a Knight that takes care of what he has, who’s horse is well fed and loved, who’s sword is clean and sharp despite age and battles. I am waiting for a man who values wisdom, A man that is generous and willing to forgive. I am waiting for a man that will plainly ask of me and my guards the right to enter. I am waiting for a man that will help the beggar he almost passed because he believes "Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as true strength." I know a man such as this exists because I have met men that have these traits, I know these traits may still be being formed but that is why I have my tower so that I may wait in safety for his talents to be refined until he can come knocking. To quote a piece from a blog I read

” I don't expect him to have mastered the character traits I've written. Everyone - myself included! - is a work in progress. All I ask is that he be growing in character and have evidence of fruit in his life.”

So I suppose I am in my tower, watching, waiting, and praying. Where are you? In a tower? Being refined?

My messenger is my mouthpiece and speaks the words I commanded him. Yet you linger there before the gates, as if you expect that they shall magically be opened to you simply because you are present. I raise my right hand: the captain of the guard understands this gesture well. Take it not as a sign of greeting, thou fool! It is and always has been my sign of farewell. You are not the first to mistake it as such. The hand drops. The arrows fly. Wounded by your own doing, you shall weep and cry and drown your sorrows in self-pity. Then you shall hap’ly forget there ever was such a place as my castle. Coward. Had you been a real man, a man truly interested in entering my castle, you would have stood your ground, held your steed steady, weathered the storm. No, go thou and do not return. The company of cowards is not welcome here.

I try hard not to play with others emotions and feelings to quote Pride and Prejudice

“I do assure you, Sir, that I have no pretension whatever to that kind of elegance which consists in tormenting a respectable man. I would rather be paid the compliment of being believed sincere. I thank you again and again for the honour you have done me in your proposals, but to accept them is absolutely impossible. My feelings in every respect forbid it. Can I speak plainer? Do not consider me now as an elegant female, intending to plague you, but as a rational creature, speaking the truth from her heart.”

At the same time if a guy will not take a hint or plainly will not leave me alone I am not afraid of hurting his feelings to protect my tower. There have been many that tried to bypass my guards and enter my gates, some have been hurt for a brief moment in their efforts and for that I am sorry however if they had plainly talked to my guards they would have found their pain to be much less. It takes courage to knock on unknown doors, I understand this but I still ask it of others because there is value in the faith and courage it takes to knock.

I stand immovable in my castle, protected by my walls, and raise the spyglass to watch thee one last time. There is no heroic riding into the sunset for thee, I fear. Your fate is to flee, riding away in shame and self-wrought injury. Go thou. My spyglass lowered, I await for news of the king I wish for. Perhaps he comes. Perhaps not. But now perhaps you will better understand how to act, O stranger, when approaching castle walls. Perhaps not. I saw you ride off and saw you no more. And still I wonder, still I ponder.

I love this last paragraph it sums everything up so well. I have watched boys and men leave and wondered as to their fate. I am watching for a Knight and a King, I do not know when or where he will come from. Perhaps after reading this story people will better understand my tower, I do not know. I do wonder after my fate, I do wonder...

I am a queen. But who are you?

I am a queen a daughter of the Most High God. Are you a queen? A king? Who are you? What are your intentions regarding my tower? Are you learning to build your own tower? You had best figure it out before you besiege me, I am mostly safe in my tower but to approach my tower is to be in my land, and I know my land.

Once again thanks Mandy for letting me use your story about the tower to talk about my tower

Who are you? (Part 2 of 3)

2011-02-27T20:00:00.002-06:00

If you have not read the story "Who are You?" please go to the previous post and read it real quick before reading this one, it will probably be easier to understand that way.

In my previous post I shared a story written by a friend of mine. I have been planning a post on what a gentleman is or something along those lines however the inspiration for such a post never really came together. Lately it has been breaking my heart that I have to protect myself from guys. There used to be a day when young ladies did not have to ward off guys, a day when guys would not behave in certain ways in a ladies presence. I do not want the reader to believe I am not responsible to act with wisdom, I am, however it is saddens me that I not only have to act with wisdom around men but I have to evade them as well. I want to go back over “Who are You” and talk about how it effects me and what it makes me think.

Who are You? By Mandy Lax
Who are you, O man? Who are you that you ride swiftly on your charger, o’er vale and mountain, through wood and brook? I watch you from afar, standing in the balcony in the room of the tallest tower. I see everything through my spyglass; Yes, I see even the poorest beggar on the road. The one you passed by without a second glance. I see your broadsword, your javelin, your bow and quiver of arrows. I see your powerful horse of white, your shining armor of silver, the bright red plume streaming from your helm. Yes, I see you.

This makes me think of all the guys that have tried to get my attention with their looks. I place very little priority on a guy’s looks. I am almost twenty years old and in all my years I have liked someone for their looks twice. I find it incredibly shallow when a guy tries to get my attention with his looks alone, yes I suppose that looks are a part of a relationship but it is going to take more than that to win this heart. I place priority on actions and words. I believe with all my heart that I can fall in love with someone else for who they are not what they look like. Looks fade, muscles soften, and hair goes away. I believe in the heart and the character of a man. I have met men that are true, men the ones whose actions and character are of value, and it is so refreshing to be around. I have a poster in my room that I copied from Paula and personalized it reads

“A girl like me does not need Prince Charming... She needs someone who will pick up kids when there is no one else, will pray until 1am over the phone, will drop everything to help others, whose Bible is falling apart from use, who plays, who laughs at a child's silliness and opens his arms for their tears, loves adventure, hates wrong and injustice, loves the losers and outcasts, is not afraid of being different, looks on the inside, works hard, has hands with character, is a leader, is kind, loves God with all his heart and will put God before me always, and is patient.”

I love to be around these men, the ones that are warriors and gentlemen. I do not mean that they are necessarily out conquering all the evils of the world but within their “realm” they do good. I know maybe a dozen of these men but I value them quite a bit. I am in my Tower looking out with semi-patient expectancy and I see when men pass by the beggar, the one that is hurting. I see when these men with their adornments take no action and I assure you it does not impress me.

Who are you, O knight? Who are you that you ride bearing arms? I understand that the world is a war-torn place. But where is the battle, O rider? Where are the frontlines? Not here, I assure you. This fortress I have lived all my life in is defended well. Very few knights like yourself have inflicted damage upon the inner halls. Fewer still have even seen them. These walls are high and thick, a boundary between you and I. Broken and breached but once, broken and breached never again. With each passing season, they grow stronger and solidify. The old weaknesses are reinforced and gone, the new yet to be found. The greatest weakness is the greatest strength: no knight dares stand before the gate. No, much rather would they sneak over the walls in the darkest hour and steal away possession of the castle. It never fares well for them.

            I am not the battle. I am not a trophy to be conquered. It saddens me that guys think I am the battle and that tearing down my walls is worthy feat. Do these young men not see all the battles surrounding them that are worthy of their time and effort? Do they not see that sneaking over my walls is not gonna happen, if anything their resolve in breaching my tower strengthens my resolve in repelling them. My walls are strong and thick and the man that does gain the inner courtyard one day will do so through respect and honor not through sneakiness and assumptions. I do not think that any rider has seen my inner walls yet, and I will admit I am proud of it. Yes, gaining my heart will be the real challenge for a guy one day, but I am not the battle.

Who are you, O stranger? Who are you to challenge the castle guards, the soldiers that defend the battlements? Dawn of each day, dusk of each night, here they stand, ready and prepared to fight whatever comes with intent to harm. Show me your proof of your nobility, the right gi’en to thee by your blood. Show me your right to bear weapons against this castle. A messenger comes to me, relaying your very words to me. I laugh once, and again. I ask again, Who are you, O stranger? Who are you to assume my case and the state of my existence? A captured maiden you named me. A woman held captive against her will, a woman in need of rescuing. You are mistaken, jester that plays the knight. Gravely mistaken indeed.

Who are you, O fool? Who are you that believes in your own fantasies, that takes your own words as the only truth in this world? I am no frail, hapless soul trapped in chains and unbreakable bonds. I am not the weak woman in need of rescuing as you so called me. Let me tell you who I am. Let me further your understanding with rebuke, and your wisdom with punishing correction. I stand on this balcony, in this room, in this tower and keep, of my own bidding. I it was who constructed those walls. I it was who built this castle. Gifted with the ability to make my home what I wished, I learned from the Master Architect how to better construct, reinforce, and decorate.

            I love this part of the story. I love how the man has to prove his worthiness. I love how she asks for proof of his nobility, proof of his “right” to gain entrance. I once read how it is the guy that pursues the girl not just because that is how God set it up, but also because the guy’s heart is tougher, his heart can take the rejection, it can take not knowing. In the past I have had guys that wondered as to my thoughts of them, and they will keep wondering, I figure if they are really determined they will keep pursuing- even in the face of not knowing. I think it is their place to pursue, hope, and wonder.

            It irks me that guys assume I am locked in a tower against my will, they are so wrong. I made the tower, I maintain the tower, God gave me the supplies for it and maintains my strength whilst in the tower. I am not held against my will, I chose to lock my heart away from the public. I choose to let few onto my land much less into my gate. Guys assume that I need them to survive they are wrong. I am not opposed to their sending messengers; however they need to prove themselves and let me know who they are first. In the past Guys that were interested in me were requested to write a letter of introduction to my parents- they were requested to show their intent to my guards. This is just one way my guards and messengers test the intentions of men. It has warded off half a dozen men that were not worthy. I am waiting for a man that will prove himself worthy to my guards, a man who will show me his intention. I am not locked away against my will, locking myself up saves my heart, it saves my dreams, it preserves my joy. Many misconceptions are made about my tower and the reasons behind it and because of these misconceptions many have fallen outside the walls.

Who are You? (Part 1 of 3)

2011-02-24T18:38:00.004-06:00

Who are You? By Mandy Lax

Who are you, O man? Who are you that you ride swiftly on your charger, o’er vale and mountain, through wood and brook? I watch you from afar, standing in the balcony in the room of the tallest tower. I see everything through my spyglass; Yes, I see even the poorest beggar on the road. The one you passed by without a second glance. I see your broadsword, your javelin, your bow and quiver of arrows. I see your powerful horse of white, your shining armor of silver, the bright red plume streaming from your helm. Yes, I see you.

Who are you, O knight? Who are you that you ride bearing arms? I understand that the world is a war-torn place. But where is the battle, O rider? Where are the frontlines? Not here, I assure you. This fortress I have lived all my life in is defended well. Very few knights like yourself have inflicted damage upon the inner halls. Fewer still have even seen them. These walls are high and thick, a boundary between you and I. Broken and breached but once, broken and breached never again. With each passing season, they grow stronger and solidify. The old weaknesses are reinforced and gone, the new yet to be found. The greatest weakness is the greatest strength: no knight dares stand before the gate. No, much rather would they sneak over the walls in the darkest hour and steal away possession of the castle. It never fares well for them.

Who are you, O stranger? Who are you to challenge the castle guards, the soldiers that defend the battlements? Dawn of each day, dusk of each night, here they stand, ready and prepared to fight whatever comes with intent to harm. Show me your proof of your noblitiy, the right gi’en to thee by your blood. Show me your right to bear weapons against this castle. A messenger comes to me, relaying your very words to me. I laugh once, and again. I ask again, Who are you, O stranger? Who are you to assume my case and the state of my existence? A captured maiden you named me. A woman held captive against her will, a woman in need of rescuing. You are mistaken, jester that plays the knight. Gravely mistaken indeed.

Who are you, O fool? Who are you that believes in your own fantasies, that takes your own words as the only truth in this world? I am no frail, hapless soul trapped in chains and unbreakable bonds. I am not the weak woman in need of rescuing as you so called me. Let me tell you who I am. Let me further your understanding with rebuke, and your wisdom with punishing correction. I stand on this balcony, in this room, in this tower and keep, of my own bidding. I it was who constructed those walls. I it was who built this castle. Gifted with the ability to make my home what I wished, I learned from the Master Architect how to better construct, reinforce, and decorate.

I am the knight in this castle. I have fought valiantly, fiercely, and won honor and glory for my lands. I administer discipline, I keep order, I keep peace. If I, by the power granted me, dare not save myself then how can you promise to? I am the steward. I measure the vats and weigh the provisions, the sustaining food for this fortress. I know the dimensions of the castle, and if I can never know the depth and volume of this keep then how can you presume to?

I am the queen. The soldiers are mine to command. The gate only opens at my bidding. None may walk these halls without my knowing. None may enter without my permission. I am grace, power, dignity, gentleness, contentment. I have known drought and flood, famine and fire, war and rebellion. I have known treachery and loyalty, anger and peace, sorrow and joy, hate and love. Which of these do you know and which do you know in despite of your circumstances?

A knight, you named yourself. Conqueror. Slayer. Rescuer. Savior. Turn back! Turn back and begone, I say! I have met men like you, proud and fierce. They saw not through another man’s eyes. Neither did they care to. They understood not the nature of this castle. Nor did they attempt to. Nay, their hearts were high and lofty in their own eyes while all the world saw the rags beneath the armor, rust in the scabbard, mange on the horse. Blind were they, and deaf. Stupid and foul and ignorant to the last! Begone, or else feel the full blow of my wrath. Take your presumptions with thee, I pray. They are not wanted here. Send away the knight! I cry, Send him forth from these walls and send him with haste! No knight is needed here; no knight is wanted here. Grant me a king from among the men of the earth. A king, endowed with wisdom, valor, and strength. A man that, though he be poor, yet still he offers what he was to the less fortunate. Grant me a king, generous in nature and forgiveness, a man of understanding and learning. Grant me someone who will walk to the gate and stand there. A man who will stand and ask to be let in, without deceit or trickery. A man that is merciful even to his enemies; a man that judges rightly; a man gentle in word and deed; a man strong enough to stand alone against all the hosts of the earth. Send to me that man and let him enter. Bid him come swiftly, I pray thee. Bid him come.

My messenger is my mouthpiece and speaks the words I commanded him. Yet you linger there before the gates, as if you expect that they shall magically be opened to you simply because you are present. I raise my right hand: the captain of the guard understands this gesture well. Take it not as a sign of greeting, thou fool! It is and always has been my sign of farewell. You are not the first to mistake it as such. The hand drops. The arrows fly. Wounded by your own doing, you shall weep and cry and drown your sorrows in self-pity. Then you shall hap’ly forget there ever was such a place as my castle. Coward. Had you been a real man, a man truly interested in entering my castle, you would have stood your ground, held your steed steady, weathered the storm. No, go thou and do not return. The company of cowards is not welcome here.

I stand immovable in my castle, protected by my walls, and raise the spyglass to watch thee one last time. There is no heroic riding into the sunset for thee, I fear. Your fate is to flee, riding away in shame and self-wrought injury. Go thou. My spyglass lowered, I await for news of the king I wish for. Perhaps he comes. Perhaps not. But now perhaps you will better understand how to act, O stranger, when approaching castle walls. Perhaps not. I saw you ride off and saw you no more. And still I wonder, still I ponder.

I am a queen. But who are you?

Because I am getting old(ish)

2011-02-21T21:29:00.001-06:00

I detest gold and diamonds
I love being barefoot
I don't really dream (like when sleeping)
It annoys me to no end that some guys think I "need" them. I don't "need" them to be complete. Yes, I appreciate men but I am not going to base my existence on theirs in order to feel fulfilled- God is more than enough for the fulfillment.
I don't like how people judge others by looks- I try very hard not to judge others by looks. I love people's hearts and watching their actions.
Autumn leaves, fresh cut grass, wet spring mornings, woodsmoke, and hard work are some of the best smells in the world!
I have no respect for people that tease special people or treat them as inferior.
This world makes me sad some days
I am thinking about going to a rock climbing gym because I want to move and be sore and tired but I am afraid of going alone. I can't find someone to go with me- I have asked about 9 people. I understand that rock climbing is an individual sport-but once you are on the rocks but you still need a partner to yell encouragement, advice, and offer safety and friendship.
I like to look nice but I'm really not all about looks. I have tried and tried and tried but I just can't figure out this makeup thing, and high heels- let's not even go there.
I have developed an ability to sleep almost anytime and anywhere- it's kinda handy.
From mid March to late September my feet are usually pretty dirty because of being barefoot.
Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to follow the world's expectations.
I love my life most of the time.
I thoroughly plan on disregarding my degree for a few years after I graduate and following my dreams instead. A career and society can wait, my heart cannot. I don't understand the rush at school to graduate and become a professional. I am in no rush to make social connections. I am in no rush to spend my summer in various labs. I just can't grasp the appeal.
I have no idea as to why God is so good to me other than I am his Daughter- which I suppose is reason enough but still...
I don't think most people know me
I don't feel my age.
Coke messes me up- I think it is the mix of caffeine, sugar, and chemicals- not sure.
I love weird things.
I love things that most people disregard. The losers, the plant growing in a street pipe, the page of notes dropped on a sidewalk, the art drawn all over campus that says "idiom", the feel of the dirt giving just a it under my weight as I walk, the small actions that are done without expectation. I love change (usually).

"Read Good Books" and "I Fight!"

2011-02-18T21:13:00.003-06:00

Read good books.

A post about good books and other good things

I am currently reading "Girl on the Rocks" by Katie Brown. and "The Last American Man" by Elizabeth Gilbert. Both are really good.

"Girl on the Rocks" by Katie Brown
Is all about rock climbing- something I want to start doing. The nearest gym is one and a half hrs away but I think I may start going because it's a good thing. Climbing is something I can do that will go on my resume (last reason on earth I am starting), exercise (also a last reason on earth), and mainly it is something physical, challenging, and adventurous that I can do without having to find buddies, or bring a dog, or gun.

"The Last American Man" by Elizabeth Gilbert
This book is about a guy who at 12 lived outside for a week, at 17 he moved out of his parent’s house and started to live in a tipi in the woods. Basically it's a book about the guy’s life and adventures. I know a little extreme/weird sounding right? yeah it is but it is also good.

The biggest frustration I find in my life is that because I am a female I can't just take off on adventure (for real this infuriates me like you could not believe or understand).It is so hard to be in love, to have a passion, but because of what you are and what the world is be unable to run after said love and passion. In all technicalities I can just take off but if I am using my brain I can't because

1. I don’t have any outdoor buddies nearby- for real the closest one is 6hrs away.

2. I don’t have any female outdoor buddies- so I cannot go with my male buddies on camping trips

3. This world is not what I wish it to be (because that reason is SO legitimate)

            If I were a guy I would be in the woods literally every weekend and holiday. I would be traveling. I would be running instead of walking down my path to dreams. Don't get me wrong I LOVE being a woman but somedays it really just sucks to be a female because I can't simply pack up and visit the only outdoor buddies I have. I can't travel alone.

            I fight with myself, I battle with honoring my parents, I argue with knowing wisdom but wanting to cast it aside, I grumble with God for making me a female and then giving me these dreams and passion. I don’t understand why he would do this to me, I don’t love him the less for it but there are defiantly days that I don’t like him for it. I struggle for understanding. I desperately cling to patience. I wrestle with hiding my fights. I fight my heart. I fight

Okay now that I have told about fighting back to books.

            There is a reason I fight so much and it is not because I want attention or heartache. Growing up I would read, I would read a lot! Here are the books in my bookcase that apply to the reason I fight

· Books

· When the Legends Die-

o About the last person of a American Indian tribe

· The Second Bend in the River

o About falling in love with an American Indian

· Streams to the River, Rivers to the Sea

o About Sacajawea

· Light in the Forest

o About a white man raised by American Indians, returned to white society and his inability to find the “balance”

o I love this book , I understand the being torn

· Dream of the Blue Heron

o American Indian forced to attend one of the American Indian schools

· The Education of Little Tree

o American Indian forced to attend one of the American Indian schools

· Captive Treasure

o White girl taken captive by American Indians

· White Fang

o Alaskan dog’s story – sounds weird but actually really good

· Woodswoman

o A woman’s auto-biography about moving to the Adirondack, building her own cabin etc.

· Woodswoman 2: Return to Black Bear Lake

o A woman’s auto-biography about moving farther into the woods and building another cabin due to the invasion of tourism etc.

· A Mile in Her Boots

o Various tales of women in outdoor professions from a Smoke Jumper to Biologist’s. Provides a good look at possibilities.

· Touching Spirit Bear

o A Juvenile reformation program in which teens are give all the need to survive including instruction and left on an island.

· Calico Captive

o American Indian Captive

· Indian Captive

o American Indian Captive

· Caddie Woodlawn

o Adventurous girl

· Our Only May Amelia

o Adventurous Girl

· Little Women

o Wise adventurous little women

· Letters of a Woman Homesteader

o Incredibly interesting collection of letters from a woman who did the unheard of- packed her bags, headed west, and homesteaded.

· The Daily Coyote

o A woman’s journey from busy cities to rural country, a cabin with no utilities, and a baby wild coyote that became a pet.

· Runes of the North

o Stories from Alaska and the Boundary Waters

· Hey Ranger

o Stories from various State and National park Rangers

· Into the Wilderness

o National Geographic book about the first American explorers

· Exploring Americas Backcountry

o National Geographic book about backcountry

· Appalachian Hiker

o Edward Garvey’s book on hiking the trail- very good.

· The Tracker

o About learning to track and growing up in the woods

· Case Files of the Tracker

o Some stories of tracking

· My Side of the Mountain

o A boy runs away from home and lives on his own in the woods- Love this book

· On the Far Side of the Mountain

o The boy’s sister comes to live with him

· Authors

· Anne LaBastille

o Wrote various books about her experiences in the Adirondacks. Her books are generally aimed at women and very good.

· Tom Brown Jr.

o Teaches and writes about learning to track and tracking. Amazing books about being in nature but some aspects of his beliefs I don’t agree with i.e. “listening to the earth”

· Sigurd F. Olsen

o Writes stories of the deep woods, Boundary waters, Alaska, Canada, etc. Amazing descriptions

· Henry David Thoreau

o Epic poems (not literally but yes literally)

· Ralph Waldo Emerson

o Epic poems (not literally but yes literally)

· Jack London
-adventure stories from the north country

Hammock's (In 5 easy steps!)

2011-02-18T18:38:00.026-06:00

An overview of how to set up a hammock - in 5 easy steps. Free advice at the end!

Necessary Supplies: Hammock, Webbing, and Carabiners.

Optional Supplies:Camera, Books, Reading glasses, Sleeping pad, Sleeping bag

Step 1: Gather the supplies
The supplies, both necessary and optional. Even piled together the weight and bulk of this stuff is smaller than most tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad setups.

Step 1 1/2: Get a hammock.
If you are going to get a hammock or any other outdoor supplies just save up and get the good stuff it is worth the wait and the money. I have an Eno double nest hammock as well as a Hennessy Scout hammock. Both are wonderful but for short trips or just hanging around in (no pun intended) I prefer the Eno.

It is all squished in there, kinda amazing. It weighs about the same as a subway foot long. Or in boring terms 22 ounces. Also the cloth is thinner than most t-shirts so the first time getting in is a bit scary, but it is extremely strong as it is parachute grade nylon.

Step 2: Put up webbing straps.
I usually put mine up about eye level. Make sure that the webbing is flat around the tree and not all twisted like in the picture. Also make sure it is not stuck on any nails. I really needed a BFG (Big Friendly Giant) because the strap got stuck on that random nail and it was too high up to reach...even when jumping .

I was going to hang the hammock on the trees that are closest. However they were not far apart enough so I switched to the smaller tree straight back and the tree on the right. This would be a mistake wiggle room picture as I am still learning about how much distance is needed.

Step 3: Hang up the hammock
Not hard to do. For this hammock I use carabiners to attach the hammock to the loops in the webbing straps. For my Hennesey I use lashing (lashing is the repeated folding, wrapping or twisting of rope to make it secure)

Example of using carabiners

When buying webbing make sure to have the clerk burn both ends of both pieces. I would suggest using webbing over brand name ties simple because it is cheaper and more customizable.

Step 4: Add all your stuff
I added my sleeping bag, books, glasses, and sleeping pad. Afterwards I actually took out the sleeping pad though it is good for insulation it was annoying. Pillow's can defiantly be used but I don't use pillows-ever, so I didn't add one.

Step 5: Enjoy your new bedroom set!
The bed doubles as a chair, which doubles as a storage sling. Now go get a hammock, or if you own one go use it!

Advice # 1 Rips are bad
Be careful when using you hammock not to snag it on things or lay it on the ground to often as it can rip once weight is added. I know a guy that woke up in the middle of the night as he was falling to the ground because of said rips and snags plus his weight caused the hammock to rip in half-oops.

Advice # 2 Sleeping overnight
It is quite possible to sleep overnight in hammocks.
1st shift you body so it is on the diagonal
2nd if you weigh more than a feather you weight will hold the hammock in an almost flat position
3rd Enjoy, I have heard of people that sleep in hammocks for weeks on end with no problem- I have.

Advice # 3 Ask
Ask permission to use someone's hammock. Obey their rules. Ask if you have questions (good rule in general especially when doing outdoors activities!)

Advice # 4 Clean feet
Might want to clean your feet off before you get in- just saying. I keep a rag/bandanna/ towel handy for this purpose.

Advice #5 Just enjoy it!
Don't worry about doing it perfect the first time. The first time I hung my Hennessey I walked around the campsite and hung and rehung my webbing straps like 5 times. I am sure Mike and Mark were laughing at me but it's no biggie. When you first get a hammock there is a learning curve of how to hang straps, how far apart trees need to be etc.

Enjoy the days. Eat good food. Don't worry.

Basically Eat, Pray, and Love.

I gotta be honest

2011-02-17T22:19:00.002-06:00

Someday's honoring your parents, your elders etc. really stinks. I truly love being a woman but there are times I despise being female. I know it is possible to do many things that I don't usually do- I have done them before. But because of this whole stinking honor God/elders etc thing I get moments of not so happiness. Dear God, It had better be worth it. Love your mad wild and barefoot daughter.

It irks

2011-02-14T09:13:00.010-06:00

Some holidays just annoy me.
Definition of IRK

:to make weary, irritated, or bored

Compliments of m-w.com

Why am I so blessed?

2011-02-06T21:16:00.001-06:00

Why am I so blessed? I wonder this sometimes. I was born into an amazing family. I was raised in a peaceful loving home. From a young age I knew of God. From a young age I knew God. Now I am in college. God has saved my life literally two times that I know of- He has probably saved me more than that. I know he's saved me and still loves me. I have friends that are amazing Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 people. I know "saints". I have men surrounding me in love and protection. At church I am so blessed! Two weeks ago someone I don't know encouraged me out of the blue- I have not seen her since. I have eightish little sisters that are amazing. I have people of wisdom (older people) with whom I am blessed. I have a married couple that I count as friends/mentors, that not once or twice have paid for me in various ways. I love these people, I love this church- this body of Christ- I am so blessed.

Today I found out that my parents had bought a Toyota 4x4 (jeep type vehicle) and that I will most likely be allowed to have/work/pay for it. Why me? Why am I so blessed? My Father is always thinking of ways to love me well from teaching me to change oil, to letting me cry and not letting me excuse the hurt after my heart was hurt. He has blessed me and is blessing me in so many ways. Maybe he unconsciously taught me what Godly manhood is, maybe it was intentional, probably both, but now I refuse to settle for less. I still remember the day he earned my admiration as a man not just a Dad. I remember when he sat me down on a log and basically told me " I don't care what you think - I'm never leaving you". Why was I chosen to be blessed with such a man for a Father?

Then there is my Mom- wow is she amazing. She ever so graciously lets me travel to the far peaks- she does not hold me back though I am sure her heart longs to. She made an effort to know me as I was growing- and I did not make it easy. She loved me when I refused to accept that God made me a woman- while my brothers ran "free". She taught me to cook, sew, and love well. She showed me that special people are just that - special! and should be loved and honored for that. She taught me about thrift stores and thirsting after God. When I started to find my place in this world she helped me to bloom well. She did not let me wrestle- thank you.

I am blessed with three brothers- read that again. I AM BLESSED WITH THREE BROTHERS! I am tough, I can tease back, shoot guns, climb trees, fall out of trees..., run, and live well because of them. We have crazy energy highs where our poor parents watch us run chase each other around the house yelling. We hurt each other and help each other heal. They protect me, sometimes in funny ways but always in ways that are appreciated.

I have friends that continually amaze me. From the people who barely knew me and yet welcomed me in to the people that taught me how to ride, to the ones I've known for years that have let me roam their woods and creeks, work on their land, and love/harass their children. Friends are crazy blessings. They go on road trips with me, they see me grow, they build me up and share the truth with me. Why does God surround me by so many good people?

I honestly don't understand. From getting outdoorsy vehicles to allowing me to go away a child and then to have a woman come back in the child's place- must be a hard thing but my parents allow it. From running through the house to running through fields and woods to riding motorcycles to being blocked in by sixteen wheelers in an underpowered car I am surrounded by love and I don't know why.

In reality I do know why , in my head I know it is because God loves me, and loves to bless me. But in my heart it is hard to grasp- I can't grasp it because I know I am not worthy of such love and blessings. How many times have I disliked and dishonored my parents? How many times have I broken God's heart? How many times have I said incredible hurtful things to my brothers or friends? Yet they still love me- this is an astounding thing. I know why I am blessed but I am glad I don't necessarily understand why. Because my God is an awesome God and his language of love surrounds me in so many ways, in my Parents, Family, and Friends. What a wonderful language.

Sisters

2011-01-30T15:34:00.001-06:00

I am blessed, oh am I SO SO SO blessed. I have an amazing big sister that is getting married!! We met about 3 or 4 years ago and I now can not imagine life without her- she is awesome! She came to visit this weekend and it was really nice- I just love her. Then I have about eight or so little sisters. I love these girls, I call them "my girls" and POG's or Princesses of God. This semester we are studying the book Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy it is AMAZING to spend time with these girls!

Once Paula and I got into a discussion about Titus 2: 3-5

" Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

We were talking about how it is not necessarily "old" women to whom this applies but to anyone with more wisdom to share. For example my friend who is the same age as me can teach me because she is married and I am not. I can teach the girls in 7th and 8th grade because I am older then them. Paula can teach me because she knows more, I could (in theory) teach someone older than me (i.e. Paula) if I know something she does not. The chain of influence is interesting to look back on Paula saved me from mass confusion and taught me how to better run after God, now I am teaching these girls and I have heard of how they are teaching their friends. My God is an awesome God!

This season of life that I am just amazes me I am so full of joy and peace I am about to pop with happiness. I have godly friends, I am a big sister to some beautiful young ladies, my big sister is getting married, I have found where I am supposed to be school wise, I have made some really awesome friends lately. I am just so blessed I can't do the feeling justice!

Me and a few of my Girls

(click for bigger picture)

Statement of Beliefs

2011-01-25T21:35:00.001-06:00

Quite a while ago I was in a conversation with someone- I think it was my Dad. At the end of the conversation (can't even remember what we were talking about) I decided to make a "Statement of Beliefs" Earlier while looking through some files I found a copy of my Statements. Some of these statements though still true are not necessarily the same for me anymore. For example the one about how God should be enough for me before I start to worry about guys is still true and active in my life but is no longer so much of a goal as it is now a way of life that comes fairly naturally.

Statement of Beliefs

1. I believe that God is our lover patiently waiting for us to love him back.

A letter represents something far more then a kiss ever could. It evidences thoughtfulness and the gift of time. While a kiss can prove tender, it must overcome the stigma of impulsiveness to truly display love. A letter on the other hand, when written in the spirit of ardor and romance- even if it never mentions passion – strokes the heart deeper than any other form of physical touch. A kiss cannot be felt again and again from great distances, but a letter can be read and reread a thousand times. A kiss only familiarizes lips with the physical body of a lover. A letter familiarizes the heart, mind, and soul. Maybe that’s why God chose to write us a letter. – When Dreams Come True by Erice and Leslie Ludy

Songs of Solomon is an image of what our relationship with God should be

2. I believe that many concepts of modern dating are wrong.

Instead of being based on God they are based on feelings
Emotion has a tendency to take over
Girls often lead
Purity, modesty, and femininity is not valiantly protected by the guy and the girl may not protect the guy's heart and thoughts either in her actions and dress.
Family and friends are often forgotten/ give less priority

3. I believe that until God is enough for me I am not ready for a romantic relationship with a guy.

God has to be the center of my existence

A relationship with a guy needs to leave me longing for more of God not more of the guy

Things I know

1. I know that I am content to be single.

Sure I am lonely but there is overwhelming peace flowing throughout

1 Peter 1: 8-9

You never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation.

2. I know that I cannot be among general society and still pursue Jesus

Perversity just blindsides me with how quickly it can worm into my thoughts

I feel sick when in areas like malls, movies, youth group, school

It is hard to stay focused on God with the worlds lures.

There is not enough time to “schedule” God in.

4. I know that spending the time I would usually spend watching movies in Bible reading and prayer is much more refreshing.

I think the verse from Isaiah says it really well. We were made to find rest and refreshment in God but instead we turn to things like TV and internet to "veg out" there is "no thought" involved. This may be true but while we are zoned out who or what is protecting our minds from the things on TV. For about a four month period I rarely watch TV or movies, listened to very little other than godly music, and generally made an effort to turn to God when I needed rest. At first it was hard but then it became easy and natural and yes very refreshing. Turn from Egypt (the world) to God and find rest my friend!

Exodus 33:14

And he said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest.

Isaiah 30: 15-16

This is what the Sovereign Lord,

the Holy One of Israel, says:

“Only in returning to me

and resting in me will you be saved.

In quietness and confidence is your strength.

But you would have none of it.

You said, ‘No, we will get our help from Egypt.

They will give us swift horses for riding into battle.’

But the only swiftness you are going to see

is the swiftness of your enemies chasing you!

Matthew 11: 28-29

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls

Fire dogs trip- going to bed early instead of watching movies, making time to read the Bible/ My Utmost
Absence from internet and tv shows was sooo refreshing

5. We need more "safe places" to talk God, to grow, to fellowship.

I need “more safe places especially in the church. Where I can ask tough questions, seek truth in humility and grace. I long for people to fall in love with God”
I long for people to fall in love with God, with me. I have been very blessed in the last three months to have found some people that I can do this with. The Journey group at church is just one example.

Things I need courage and help with

1. Not to shut things in when I get mad

I tend to compress my feelings rather than express them, this can be helpful in that I am able to restrain myself, however the flipside is that I have a very hard time showing emotion and thoughts.

2. To have the courage to follow God

no matter what

3. Slowing down to have deep relationships with some people around me.

Sam is always asking to play games...and I am always saying no...

Generally family time

By Faith

2011-01-16T17:07:00.001-06:00

I'm going to add more to this post later but for now just wanted to share this song- it's been on rewind in my heart and head for the past few days.

In His Presence

2011-01-14T21:09:00.001-06:00

I have never been a devotional book type of person-oh I've tried but they have never captured my attention or helped me to grow to know Jesus more. Then I started to read through My Utmost for His Highest-wow. Oswald Chambers must have been a warrior to meet in his time. Anyhow I was reading today's selection and once again (I'm consistently amazed at how God can "wow!" me everyday through this book ) I was "Wow-ed". Here you go

Called of God (half of the devotion btw)

Isaiah 6:8
God did not direct His call to Isaiah— Isaiah overheard God saying, “. . . who will go for Us?” The call of God is not just for a select few but for everyone. Whether I hear God’s call or not depends on the condition of my ears, and exactly what I hear depends upon my spiritual attitude. “Many are called, but few are chosen” (Matthew 22:14). That is, few prove that they are the chosen ones. The chosen ones are those who have come into a relationship with God through Jesus Christ and have had their spiritual condition changed and their ears opened. Then they hear “the voice of the Lord” continually asking, “. . . who will go for Us?” However, God doesn’t single out someone and say, “Now, you go.” He did not force His will on Isaiah. Isaiah was in the presence of God, and he overheard the call. His response, performed in complete freedom, could only be to say, “Here am I! Send me.”
(Devotion continues, I just did not paste that bit)

I put things in italics that surprised me. I had never thought of it that way I grew up with this verse being in the context of God asking a direct question to Isaiah. It makes complete sense though, one cannot hear God if their heart is not looking for and open to his voice, one cannot hear God if they are not in His presence. I just think it is really cool that bit about having to be in God's presence.

I HIGHLY recommend this book for everyone. I am of the believe that we are all made unique therefore God speaks to us in our own special way- My Utmost is one of the ways that God speaks to me.

There is hope

2011-01-11T22:39:00.001-06:00

There is Hope!

Because

My God

is an awesome

God!

Randoms (I wonder how many posts I have with the word "Random" in the title...)

2011-01-08T22:22:00.001-06:00

I LOVE motorcycling

the speed,
the push of the wind,
the flying off,
the accidental wheelies
the accidental one handed wheelies...
and the 5,000 attempts to kick start...
the freedom
everything

Skirts = awesomeness
Soup and games with good people is a rare much treasured thing
school starts on Monday :(
I have to get up at 5:30 on Monday
I have to carry a backpack
I will become quiet
I will try not to loose myself to the school habits of quietness
Spring is coming! (in more way than one)

Spring is literally coming
I am entering a "spring" season in which I have many fulfilling relationships
I think I am entering another season of growth with God

I have a hammock

that i can camp in
and basically have the time of my life in

Geo-caching is cool, I think I am going to try to take some friends with me soon
sometimes it really is just tough to be a young adult

the jobs (or lack thereof)
the relationships (or lack thereof)
the school
life

I love being a girl (see previous post)
Roll call! if you read my blog leave a comment (just trying to see how many people read it)
IDK you tell me.

I really just love being a Woman

2010-12-17T19:29:00.002-06:00

I am wearing an awesome skirt today, every time I wear it I feel like I am wearing a dried Indian Paintbrush (it's a type of flower) Lately I have been "craving" skirts. I love winter and fall don't get me wrong, but it is hard to wear skirts in the cold months, so I usually cave to pants. However I still dream of skirts, there is something about skirts that just makes me feel so much more feminine, and girl-ish.

I appreciate that guys can be protective, and I love the fact that men are simple bigger and stronger- it literally amazes me everyday. But I cannot imagine, being anything other than what I am. I am so, so, so blessed, that God made me a woman-and it's a beautiful thing! More and more I am realizing how much of a blessing womanhood is. Gosh I am so blessed!

Recently I have started to realize just how much of a God-blessing being a woman is. In the past 4 months I have literally had half a dozen guys trying to get my attention, asking me out, etc and I just don't get it. To be completely honest when one of the guys said "Elizabeth, you do realize that you are really attractive?" I don't really realize I'm mean yeah I guess I am but I've never really thought about it, and now that I do think about I still don't "get it" Above I said " God made me a woman-and it's a beautiful thing!" not so much in the literal sense as in the things I get to do and experience simple because I am a female. I get to wear skirts, and twirl simply because I can, I am afforded opportunities to feel protected, and have gentlemen help me out with things, I get to be silly (i.e. twirling skirts, cartwheels etc), I am able to cry and know that there is no shame in weakness (I don't think there should ever be shame in tears/ hurt for guys or girls), I can be a "blonde", and I don't have to be stronger, but I can still have adventure- heck being a girl is and adventure!

Lately beauty has been on my mind, no necessarily physical beauty but "what is beautiful?" and how God made life beautiful. I have had several people tell me I am pretty -okay, thanks, and? I just don't necessarily understand the appeal of "being beautiful" or why it is so important. Maybe if I was "ugly" I would, I don't know. As a woman I am learning more and more that my mere existence has some degree of power over men. I am learning that there is some secret pleasure in being able to come out of a cave covered in mud at 3pm and be clean and wearing a skirt by 4pm. I am realizing that being a "Woods woman" has some degree of challenge as compared to being a "Woods man", however there is a definite secret pleasure in being able to switch from "Dirt Monster" to "Young Lady" it is some silly yet awesome feeling of feminine triumph in accomplishments like that that I just cannot explain. I would not give anything in the world to be anything other that what I am. There are day it stinks to be a woman, but all the days of running through the grass, fencing, hauling wood, sewing, twirling, and everything else more than outweigh the tough days. God has blessed me more than I yet know by making me a girl and I love it! My God is awesome!

Me twirling my "Paintbrush Skirt"

Looking for God...

2010-12-08T18:11:00.000-06:00

My Dad has a book called Looking for God by Nancy Ortberg. I recently read this book and learned a good bit from it, things that I have been trying to apply. The book is not long or laborious, it is short stories from the authors life, each story like all other stories has a point. Each point blew my mind. For twenty days before going to bed I would read a chapter and then summarize it in a way that made sense to me so that I could remember and apply the lesson.

Following God is hard, it's never ever easy and if it is maybe something is wrong I am starting to wonder. I don't mean that its "always" hard but I do not think that following Him should ever become something mundane and ordinary because my God is not mundane and ordinary, he is exhilarating and rare. I just had an "ah ha" moment of why following God can be scary and exhilarating, because just like people ride roller costers the adrenaline rush, following Christ requires some amount of stupidity in setting your fear aside to see His plan through to the end. But at the end it is worth the fear for the exhilaration of Him.

The chapter and my summation is in bold, why I wrote what I did/ what I learned is NOT in bold.

Chapter 1
This chapter speaks of how though set devotionals can be beneficial not using them is okay. God made us different and quirky and speaks to us each differently, there is no way a human creation (i.e. devotional) is going to "work" for every Christian. Find your own way to God. i.e. not a set devo.
Chapter 2
New babies, life. Majestic nature, beauty. Man made? no. Be grateful, see goodness, and see God.
Chapter 3
John 21 has Jesus and Peter talking. Jesus asks Peter the same simple question three times. Jesus "Do you love me?" Peter "Yes!" x3. Then Jesus asks Peter to follow him. Peter says "What about him?" in reference to another disciple nearby. Jesus basically says "Don't worry about him, follow me." Out of this I got that we each have out own walk. that walk may lead us to crazy places (see chapter 1) but in the end and along the way I will see God (see chapter 2). Be yourself.
Chapter 4
If "we" are not okay I should not be okay. Include others.-If the body of Christ is not healthy, I should not be happy
Chapter 5
Work is about serving, 60 % and more of my life should be used to serve God-Where am I spending my time? Is my time being spent of God.
Chapter 6
God is in the ordinary-God is in the little stuff, the gentle breeze that pushes my hammock as I look up to a sharp blue sky behind cozy gray tree branches. God is in the morning glories. God is in the discussions about potato soup vs. taco soup (friendship/ communion)
Chapter 7
One life is not enough so let Jesus live in you. Don't choose balance pursue God. - Follow God relentlessly, don't worry about "balance" worry about believing and action
Chapter 8
Salt is a behind the scenes spice- quiet flavor. Light changes things from fear to love. - be salt, be the thing that adds that little bit of specialness to life, be light, show love
Chapter 9
Watch my words.- pretty obvious, but still we also need to remember our "place" as well as out tongue, because both can mess things up
Chapter 10
Jesus is not Mr. Sweet Niceness. We hurt but we don't forget because of it. - some of the best lessons God has taught me were the hardest most painful things I have every experienced. God is not always nice God is a warrior, a poet, a lover, and a king. He is not Santa, or grandpa- HE IS A WARRIOR that means that sometimes he can't be Mr. Nice guy, besides who likes a Mr. Nice guy for long any way, they get boring.
Chapter 11
Don't think, do.- think new years resolutions "I'm gonna...never do anything"
Chapter 12
Don't forget to remember. - Memories are such great gifts, they can teach us lessons. (random tangent) I think older people are one of the most wasted resources, they have so much to remember and share.
Chapter 13
Don't be a model human. - "I'm a mess, you're a mess, we're all a mess". I don't even try to be perfect, I wear sweaters with holes, and go out with crazy hair, I trip, I blush, I have blonde moments and stupid attacks, but guess what? I love that I don't have to worry about being perfect- it lets me be free.
Chapter 14
Find worthy Hero's- who are this generations heros? Movie and sport stars. What about the martyrs and the servants, the elderly and and disabled though?? I want Hero's that are worthy of my admiration. I want Warriors, and Wise ones.
Chapter 15
Live with open hands of God. -Give freely and you might get more than you ever imagined (not talking physical stuff here).
Chapter 16
Chase the quiet pain back to God. - What is your quiet pain, that longing or secret hurt of your heart that you cannot share with anyone for some reason or another. Is it loneliness, or dreams unfulfilled? I do not know but God can fill the gap, chase your pain, force it to God.
Chapter 17
God has been gracious to me and I have all I need- tithe. I have lots of excess in my life- I don't need excess. Simple lives can be much happier ones
Chapter 18
Love holiness.- Love purity, truth, and God. It brings such joy and fulfillment.
Chapter 19
Worry about the inside not the outside. So as I am writing this I am wearing a sweater that is to short and has no fewer than 5 moth holes in each sleeve. A guys shirt, work jeans, and extra cushion boot sock- yeah maybe I am a sight, but that does not matter. I am at church, I am having communion and fellowship with peers, elders, and students. I am getting to share my heart so I'm not at all worried about my looks
Chapter 20
"Surely the Lord is in this place, and I wan to aware of it." Beginning and end we were not meant to end. -um I need to look in my notes because I have no clue what this one is about...

Random Quotes
"We all have to follow God and of our own stories, we can be inspired by someone elses story. But ultimately we follow God when we listen to Him speak to us int eh context of our lives."

"How you love others is how you love God."

My heart is hurting again...finally.

2010-11-28T20:36:00.002-06:00

DISCLAIMER I am no longer depressed or any of that. I am writing all this in the past tense. I am writing this in hopes that maybe it helps others.

November 12th noon to November 13th noon is "TWLOHA Day" or To Write Love On Her Arms day. It is a day when thousands of people write love on their arms-literally. I do not write on myself as a rule. I do not use temporary tattoos. This year I wrote Love on my arms though, I wrote Love because I have dealt with some of the issues that TWLOHA is trying to raise awareness about. I have held knives to my wrists, I have been depressed. I have contemplated suicide. I have never taken action with the knives or thoughts, but I have been there at least to an extent. On November 12th and 13th I seriously thought about writing Love on my arms for a year. I may do it this coming year- not to be cool, not for fun, but because I have been there, I know people that have been there, are there, or may one day be there. "There" is not a fun place, it is not a safe place, it is one of the ways that the Devil fights light. There is no shame in depression or cutting, there is no shame in pain. It take courage to say "I hurt". I takes the laying down of pride to say "I hurt". I do not want to hurt every again like I once did. I no longer hurt, I have found light. I do not have amazing words to speak. When you are in that place words don't mean anything. Actions do, words can help, and maybe they do mean something to some people, but when I was there they meant nothing. I want my "love" to help others, I want to speak the actions that give hope. There is hope, don't give up, the only reason I did not give in is because I was afraid how those I left behind would deal. If you don't have anyone to miss you talk to me, I don't want to miss you.

"You say this is suicide...I say, this is war!"

Seven Deadly Sins of Curly Hair

2010-10-26T12:15:00.000-05:00

1. Thou shalt not straighten thy curly hair.
2. Thou shalt not shampoo thy curly hair.
3. Thou shalt love thy morning fro.
4. Thou shalt smile through the hair days.
5. Thou shalt spread the pro-curly messages.
6. Thou shalt make odd blogs about thy curly hair.
7. Thou shalt love conditioner with a passion.

Dad's Quote really was quite Gooder

2010-08-28T01:20:00.001-05:00

On my return home from camp I was really discontent, I did not enjoy life here at all for various reasons and said as much in my blog post Summer Life. In response to that post my Dad gave me this quote by Pedro Arrupe

"Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything."

(I collect quotes) At first I was like, "oh that's nice" but it did not really sink in. However in the last week and a half as school has started I have begun to see the truth of this quote. I know what I am in love with. I know that my Forestry Degree is the way to get there. I can find my love in little things like last Thursday I found a really pretty feather, today I found a cocoon on one of the cinder block walls (I hope it hatches soon). I have joy. I get out of bed so that I will be that much closer to a life lived outside. I do my schoolwork at night so that I can graduate that much sooner. I spend my weekends maturing as a Christ-Follower, I read book that stretch my thinking and make my heart smile. I know three people that actually understand my passions in life. I know all too well what breaks my heart. I love that every day I find bits of God around me and it makes me so grateful and happy! I am in love with the light of every day, as well as the light at the end of the tunnel. I have decided to run. (A long time ago my Mom referenced me to 1 Corinthians 9:24-25...I feel as though I am finally running).

This week really has been full of joy and gratitude, sure there were hard times (like teachers that have English as a second language). However there has also been joy, here are some of the things that have brought me joy in the past week.

1. Very dear friends from TN visited. Their visit
helped to re-build my relationship with God. They gave me hope. I admire and love these friends alot. God bless them in the deepest way possible.

2. Me and my middle school girls got to play with chalk, it was glorious. I really truly enjoy being a young woman that is not afraid to enjoy life. I like to explore, run, and play. I also like to study, contemplate, and talk.I know that to some I may seem immature, and to a degree I am, but I love that about my life. I'm in norush to grow up past my time.

3. I found some of God's artwork every single day and it was amazing!

I understand aesthetically the pictures completely mess this post up to a degree but I had to share some of the beauty that I live in. In the book Runes of the North there is a Native American quote that says

“Now I walk in beauty. Beauty is behind me.
Beauty is before me, above and below me.”

I truly live in beauty.

Summer Life

2010-07-29T19:12:00.001-05:00

Summer is a time of renewal for me. Summer is the time of the year where I remember who I really am and what I really want. Summer is a time of remembering what I love. Summer gives me the strength and remembrance for the school/work year ahead. Summer feeds my dreams and my passions. Summer is really the only time of the year to be me.

This summer has been the best one of my life. I don't want to go home. I want to stay in the beauty. I want to be stuck in some of this summers moments for the rest of my life. Moments like sitting behind a roaring waterfall, or standing on top of a huge mountain. Soaring out of a ducky and waking up co-counselors for the third time that morning in hopes of getting there on schedule. Seeing white boys rap it out was a new but much cherished memory. Finding that God really is my protector was one of the lessons of the summer.

I dread going home because there is no one to live outside with me at home, no one to notice the little things with.

I don't know people that love the outdoors at home so I cannot go for swims in a river. I cannot go on night hikes. I cannot feel the strain of my muscles as I push up a mountain. I cannot feel the flash of fear as I fly out of a raft. I don't get bruises easily at home, I am not tired at the end of the day. I cannot go recklessly trail running in Alabama. I don't usually find a gallon bag worth of raspberries at home...and then watch co-counselors use them as fake blood.

I cannot wander around the city and admiring the beauty of the night.

At home there are siblings that while amazing they still bicker pointlessly. There is strife, and life and that's okay but I'm tired of it. There are no real friends but many associates, there are no adventures to be easily had. I love my home don't get me wrong its a wonderful place to come back to, but my heart is not ready to come back, yet despite that I find myself here. Please don't remind me of how blessed I am, despite the negative potential of this post I do know quite well that I am blessed beyond measure. but my heart hurts, I'm lonely, I miss my dreams and passion so I'm saying so. Gosh this stinks.

The Lord is My Protector

2010-06-19T23:50:00.000-05:00

Let me start off by saying that this post kind of bumps along in flow, I jump a little bit here and there and I am sorry. I just really want to express my gratitude to God for His protection.

The first time I can vividly see God’s protection around me is when I was around 15.

I was attending a Homeschool Co-Op. At this Co-op there was a young man whose name I have forgotten. This young man freaked me out and I don't know why. The best way I can describe the feeling is a unnerving feeling in the soul, a caution with no seeming explanation, a fear that though cold is very helpful in the warning it gives. I have only had this feeling a few times since. If my reader is a female they may understand the feeling completely. A male may not understand the feeling, and since they are the protectors I'm not sure they can get this feeling, as my brother thinks I'm nuts when I get it, I honestly don't know. Anyhow the guy would hang around me during my break between classes’ and suggest things that I did not comprehend at the time. Once I was talking to some of the other girls about how he unnerved me, and came to find out that this specific guy gave all the girls at the co-op, and I do mean all of them the creeps. Finding out that I was not the only one disturbed by him was very reassuring. Some brothers of the girls found out that he did not make us comfortable, and ever after wards they helped to protect us. Once my friends and I were out at the soccer field talking and up came the guy to chat. Then came one of the brothers to the rescue! He basically got the guy to wander off with him so that we could not be bothered by him. This may not seem like Gods protection in my life however having known the young man I can assure you that I do believe it was. Thank you Mills boys for being Warriors of God and protecting your sisters and me from the “gecko”.

Second time I can remember Gods protection in my life

I was driving home from my night class Fall semester 09. I was on auto-pilot, techno music going, windows down, life was good. The route was the same one I usually took so very little thought seemed to be needed. About 3 miles from home a light flashed in front of my car, as I got to the other side of the intersection I thought “wait did I just cross that intersection?? Wait there a stop sign back there!”. I had accidently run a intersection, and to this day cannot remember where the other car was in relation to me. I would like to say that I ran the intersection mere feet in front of another car because I do remember lights to my front left. God was protecting me. He knew I was tired and zoned out. He knew that I would not remember with clarity but that I would remember. God is my knight in shining armor.

Third time I have been plainly protected

(a little bit of history/explanation first) I am working at an outdoor camp/ river raft outpost. The best way I can think of to describe the crowd here is surfer/adrenaline junky at least at night that is how they are. There is a place across the river (from where I am staying) where all the raft guides live. At night they drink, a lot. I have had plenty of opportunities to go across the river, I have had plenty of chances to smoke, dip, or drink. As far as I know there is one other employee out of the 30+ that is sober/doesn’t drink or smoke. This creates a little bit of pressure, not from the other staff but simply from a want to be sociable while still doing the right thing. So when a trip to town to see a movie was proposed I agreed to go. I still felt that going was wrong but I did not believe that drinking would be a big issue at a movie theater so I was going to go, never mind the fact that I would not watch the movie if I were at home. At the end of the night I wrote this letter to God

God,

Thank you so much! And I formally apologize and ask for forgiveness. The guides planned on going to see a movie that I would not watch usually however I wanted to fit in/ be sociable and I did not see how going to a movie could ever have alcohol involved so I thought it was safe to go to I was worried about

1. Driving situation

2. Drinking

3. Movie content

So the guides plan was for the 10pm showing, the plan was made around 6:30 pm. So I ate dinner got cleaned up/ready and started to read. I finished “The Little Princess” around 8:45 pm. Moved onto “Safe in the Everlasting Arms” and then read about Hebrews 11 in it so I moved to the Bible/ Hebrews 11 (How cool is the book title in conjecture with what you did! (I encourage you to go read Heb 11and see if you get the same heart chuckle I’m getting as I write this) so then I read Hebrews until 10ish when some other guides got back. We missed the movie! How overjoyed I am! A million thanks you’s for

1. Keeping me safe

2. Answering my prayer

3. Protecting me even when I was doing what I knew was wrong.

Love

Elizabeth

p.s. thank you so much! You know my heart and how overjoyed it is right now!

Fourth time I believe that God was protecting me

Tonight.

The owner of the outpost was going to eat dinner with my fellow summer camp guides and me (there are 6 summer camp guides and a whole lot of raft guides). It did not work out that the owner and us could have dinner so we were given money and told to treat ourselves (free food!) Going into the meal I knew that the other guides would probably get beer (there were 3 other guides and me (four total) I was not thrilled at this idea but at this point I trust the guys to “be good” so I brought my license thoroughly planning on driving back if the driver drank. Well the meal was amazing, the conversation pretty good, and my fellow guides enjoyed their beers. I told two of them straight up when they ordered their second that if the last guy remaining got a drink I was driving (go water!) well the last guy ended up getting a drink so I was driver that was okay. I did not mind, the guys were not tanked and I knew how to get back “home” to camp. So we were driving home and hit a really bumpy/ poorly paved stretch of road, on go the blinkers to get out of the lane. Right as I am switching lanes we fly past a HUGE black dog running straight down the right lane, I missed it by inches, literally. The guy in the passenger seat had his hand out the window and he starts freaking, I mean flat out loosing it because we were so close to hitting this dog. Think great dane. So anyhow God protected me tonight. Thanks Abba

I have a poster at home with a few of the names of God two that I think are kinda timely today are

Jehovah-Shammah: Jesus is there for Elizabeth

Jehovah- Rohi: The Lord is Elizabeth’s shepherd, the guide of her heart

A verse I marked long ago sticks out in my mind today

Psalm 34:7

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.

God is can be your deliverer.

A Princess of God

2010-05-03T21:27:00.004-05:00

*notes* I changed some of the words in the Bible verses from things like "son" to "daughter. Also I do not know if you will read this whole post or not, but if you take some of the wisdom from Proverbs that was in this post to heart, be on guard. 1 Peter 5:8 will apply all the more to you. But feel confident in the fact that you freak the devil out, how cool is that ?!

We are God's daughters therefore we are Princesses.

Galatians 4:6-7 Because you are daughters, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, "Abba, Father". So you are no longer a slave, but a daughter; and since you are a daughter, God has made you also a heir.

Romans 8:17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share his glory.

God says we are his children if we accept and obey his commands. If God is the King of Kings then as his daughters we are Princesses.

We are children of Light

1 Thessalonians 5:5 You are all daughters of the light and daughters of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.

Ephesians 5:8 For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.

A Princess of God scares the devil

1 Peter 5:8-9 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your sisters throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of suffering.

Because we are Women we have tremendous power over Guys. Because we are Princesses we are the Devil's enemy, he will use any power under him to make us fall. If we fall it can make it that much harder for God's Warriors.

"Our enemy fears the revelation of God's daughters more than he fears women who act like men."

We need to control our actions around guys. We need to be aware of the fact that Womankind has tremendous effect on Mankind. As such we should behave at all times as Princesses of the light.

"Very likely some Mrs. Grundy will observe, "I don't believe it; boys will be boys, young men must sow their wild oats, and women must not expect miracles." I dare say you don't, Mrs. Grundy, but it's true nevertheless. Women work a good many miracles, and I have a persuasion that they may perform even that of raising the standard of manhood by refusing to echo such sayings. Let the boys be boys, the longer the better, and let the young men sow their wild oats if they must, but mothers, sisters, and friends may help to make the crop a small one, and keep many tares from spoiling the harvest, by believing, and showing that they believe, in the possibility of loyalty to the virtues which make men manliest in good women's eyes. If it is a feminine delusion, leave us to enjoy it while we may, for without it half the beauty and romance of life is lost, and sorrowful forebodings would embitter all our hopes of the brave, tender hearted little lads, who still love their mothers better then themselves, and are not ashamed to own it." –Louisa May Alcott

In the above quote Mrs. Grundy displayed a very common opinion, that "guys are just like that, there is nothing that can be done", this however is not completely true. Yes it is true that guys perceive things differently than girls, however this does not mean that we should give up on God sculpted manhood. A woman can help to spur men onto greatness through encouragement and acts like letting them hold the door and open glass jars in the kitchen (this sounds silly but allowing a man to showcase his strength can be encouraging to him).

A Princess of God does not distract God's Warriors by flirting with them.

Proverbs 2:16, Proverbs 7:5 It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words

Proverbs 6:24 Keeping you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife.

A Princess of God does not tear down a Mans defenses, she does not shame her husband by flirting with other men

Seductive words, and flirting can lead God's young men- his Warriors astray. Let us not be seductive to anyone but our husbands, let us not flirt with men to whom we are not married, let us reinforce the walls of resistance in the men around us rather than chipping away at them

In the book little women Laurie says to Jo

"I'm glad you can't flirt; it's really refreshing to see a sensible, straightforward girl, who can be jolly and kind without making a fool of herself. Between ourselves Jo, some of the girls I know really to go on at such a rate I'm ashamed of them. They don't mean any harm, I'm sure; but if they knew how we fellows talked about them afterward, they'd mend their ways. I fancy."

This is very true, I have been in young men's company and they do talk about young ladies, they talk about the ones they admire, the ones that are "boy crazy" and annoying, the ones that are embarrassing to be around, oh yes they do talk about us and our actions.

A Princess of God behaves as though she were already engaged to her future Husband

Proverbs 5:20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?

"If you believe that God has a marriage partner for you, then in His eyes you are already engaged. Act accordingly."

"The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing." –Joshua Harris

A Princess of God dresses modestly

Proverbs 7:10 Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent

Psalm 144:12 Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.

In his book Wild at Heart John Eldredge talks about the differences between man and woman, he says "Adam bears the likeness of God in his fierce, wild, passionate heart. Eve embodies the beauty and the mystery and the tender vulnerability of God." Woman was made to attract Man, we have so much power over mankind's actions, we need to realize this and then take the responsibility to help and not hurt mankind. As mentioned above in "A Princess of God scares the devil" we have the power to help mold or ruin men.

"modesty: tight enough to show you are a woman, loose enough to show you are a lady"

A Princess of God behaves with modesty and discretion. Little Women talks about humility and modesty in this way "Any more than its proper to wear all your bonnets and gowns and ribbons at once, that folks may know you've got them, added Jo and the lecture ended in a laugh." Modesty is just that, it's modesty, it is humble and does not run around drawing attention to itself.

A Princess of God pursues knowledge.

Proverbs 9:13 The woman Folly is loud; she is undisciplined and without knowledge.

Proverbs 11:22 Like a gold ring on a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discernment

God's Princesses should not showcase ignorance in hopes of gaining attention and approval. Gods daughter s should constantly pursue knowledge and understanding…a wonderful place to start is by reading and studying the book of Proverbs in the Bible! The study of Proverbs is what planted the idea for this whole post. In the very first chapter of Proverbs it says the purpose of the book is to help people find wisdom and understanding, read Proverbs and you're almost bound to find it. Seek after wisdom, God can grant it and understanding!

A Princess of God is kind and worthy of respect

Proverbs 11:16 A kindhearted woman gains respect, but a ruthless women gain only wealth.

Learn to know and value the praise which is worth having, and to excite the admiration of excellent people by being modest as well as pretty, Meg. –Louisa May Alcott

A kindhearted woman can love well and always "Love casts out fear, and gratitude can conquer pride. -Louisa May Alcott

Honest compliments from others are beautiful to receive, it can be hard to say a simple "thank you" because one may not feel all that extraordinary but they are still a wonderful treasure.

A Princess of God has good character

Proverbs 12:4 A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

"He was staring at her with undisguised surprise and disapproval also, she thought; for though he bowed and smile; yet something in his honest eyes made her blush, and wish she had her old dress on." –Louisa May Alcott

A good character in a Princesses is so important that there is an entire area of the bible devoted to showing the attributes and blessings of a woman that has cultivated a good character. (Proverbs 31)

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone."

A Princess of God is submissive and pursues peace

Proverbs 7:11 She is loud and defiant, her feet never stay home.

Proverbs 21:9 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:19 Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

Proverbs 25:24 (same as Proverbs 21:9)

Proverbs 27:15 A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day

A Princess of God submits the authority over her, this does not mean that she allows wrong (i.e. abuse) however she allows the obedience she shows God to flow over in to all areas of her life. A Daughter of the King pursues peace and does not constantly nag those around her, a Princesses is not selfish.

I warned you.

2010-04-22T15:13:00.003-05:00

<--- This is the what wrong looks like.
<--- This is what fury looks like.
<--- This is what insanity looks like.
<--- This is what me about to rip things to pieces looks like!
<--- This is not environmentally friendly, just look at all that paper, how evil!
<---AAAghh math is EVIL! seriously when will i every use log2 the root of x over y to cubed??

Now for something completely different.

Toilet Paper Toils

2010-04-19T20:57:00.004-05:00

Today is Monday the 19th on Friday the 16th one of my brothers used up the last of the toilet paper, no issue there just replace it. However replacement of the roll is where complexity occurs! On Saturday I wrote on the empty tube.

"How many young men does it take to replace a toilet paper tube? Four...too bad we only have three."

Since then one of my brothers has taken the tube off three times, and ripped it on the last removal. I find this mildly hilarious. I promptly taped the roll back up and replaced it.

I wrote on the tube in annoyance, but now I am kinda laughing, I find it simply hilarious that with college age high school junior, and 12 year old brothers this one roll of toilet paper cannot be replaced.

To further compound the giggles is the fact that there is a roll of toilet paper on the back of the toilet that they are actually using rather than replacing the empty tube. I know I have my own stash so I wonder what will happen when this roll runs out...ewww.

4/28/2010 UPDATE
After 10ish days of an empty TP tube and a lengthy debate (read as argument) with a brother about why I put a note on the tube, I finally broke down and replaced it. However I have not cleaned the bathroom at all this month, so I suppose that could be some form of ironic success as it is not my month to clean it. Although I will admit there is kinda a layering effect evolving with the dirt...yuck, I'm ready for my own bathroom thank you!

My Heart Cry- Or Something Equally Poetic-ish

2010-04-12T16:33:00.001-05:00

Found this in Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

"Trust me, I have not earned your dear rebuke,-
I love, as you would have me, God the most;
Would lose not Him, but you, must one be lost,
Nor with Lot's wife cast back a faithless look,
Unready to forgo what I forsook;
This say I, having counted up the cost,
This, though I be the feeblest of God's host,
The sorriest sheep Christ shepherds with His crook.
Yet while I love my God the most, I deem
That I can never love you over-much;
I love Him more, so let me love you too;
Yea, as I apprehend it, love is such
I cannot love you if I love not Him,
I cannot love Him, if I love not you.

After reading through that a few times I paraphrased it into my own wording which is as follows.

Trust me, I have not earned a reprimand.
I love God the most like you want me to
I won't sacrifice him, but I will sacrifice you
I won't look back
I'm not ready to give what I sacrificed
I say this having evaluated the cost
Even though I'm the weakest of God's children
The lamest sheep that Christ shepherds
Yet while I love God the most I decide
That I can never love you more
I love him most so let me love you as well
As I see it love is this
I can't love you if I don't love Him,
I can't love Him if I don't love you.

no title

2010-04-05T17:55:00.002-05:00

In Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot there is a quote

“ Steadfastness, that is holding on;
Patience, that is holding back;
Expectancy, that is holding the face up;
Obedience, that is holding one’s self in readiness to go or do;
Listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.”
-S.D. Gordon

For me
Steadfastness- this is believing that it is worth the disbelief of others. This is holding on to the fact that I am honoring my husband.

Patience- this is loneliness, this is an intimate friendship with God, this is knowing that I am worth far more than rubies-so I must guard my heart.

Expectancy- this is what keeps all the others (steadfastness, patience, obedience, and listening) afloat. This is why I endure ridicule, because my man is worth the pain

Obedience- this is patience, endurance, love, and hope steadfastly walking after God.

Listening this is “Never passing up an opportunity to keep my mouth shut” and going to quiet “green” places and walking with the Lover of my soul.

In Conclusion
"How long, Lord, must I wait?
Never mind, child.Trust me. ”

College life

2010-03-29T10:55:00.002-05:00

I am not sure how to explaing these things so I am just going to bullet some of the things I have learned/ observed about college life.

late nights- Stayed on campus till 10pm trying to finish stuff for English
caffeine- as in caffeinated tea
alcohol- the "big" thing. In high school other things were "big". Here getting drunk is the big thing and drunkenness is thought of as having fun- a connection I cannot make.
dating- haha no comment
curse words- Not very different from high school except that people dont try to hard to make them sound "natural"
Individuality- Two options

You are individually choosing to follow everyone else. -hilariously common.
You are an individual.- This one has been interesting for me as there are things I simply refuse to do.

pot-instant nausea!seriously the stuff stinks
research papers- online with scatterbrained teacher that says "No, this is your only class!" in a joking tone but with serious convictions.
teacher hate- English, biology
confusion- academic, and social
laughter- nice, often
chaos- rotten often
inside jokes-rare weird
beautiful days-rare but a big blessing
freshman 15- I have not gotten this thanks to my Moms good cooking :D
change over time- I watched a nice sweet girl over the course of a semester change from a quite and subdued young lady to a cursing and flamboyant chick.

Big and Beautful is Best

2010-03-04T09:10:00.002-06:00

I saw this video on a friends Facebook. It makes me sad. Thing is I have seen girls like this, girls that are so skinny they look like they are in physical pain just from walking, girls that struggle to walk across the quad when the wind is blowing hard. I know that some girls are naturally thin, and that is okay. However I also know that many young ladies diet, binge eat, or don't eat in hopes of becoming more beautiful, and wanted by others. This is a sad reality of modern society :(

When...

2010-03-02T17:13:00.001-06:00

When I have a five minute debate with my youngest brother as to why towels must be hung up, post like this ensue. When I have to describe why extra food needs to be cleaned off a plate to my young adult brother posts like this occur. When I clean the bathroom that my three young adult siblings use posts like this come about.

-When I have my own house access to towels will be a privilege, not a right.
-When I have my own dishes not cleaning them will be a privilege not a right.
-When I have my own house my young men will gain the privilege of cleaning the bathroom and mopping the floor.
-When I have my own house I am going to own a really big Dog-no boys allowed.

My parents are away for 3 days, that is not bad, its not hard, its kinda nice. But there I times when I appreciate their presence. I am by no means a clean freak but there are commonly times when I think "I am not having sons, I am not getting married, I will not clean up these 12 wet semi-moldy towels any more!" I have tried to resign as maid of the kids bathroom but with three young men and me, I am the one that gets the gross end of the stick. I sooooo can not wait to have my own bathroom!

p.s.When I have sons, well I'm not going to have sons, but when I have girls, actually I won't have those either. I will have a big dog.

aaaaarrghh I am going to revert back the the fifth grade type of thinking. "Boys are gross end of discussion!"

Do you remember?

2010-02-08T19:07:00.001-06:00

Do you remember

this post?
or
this one?

Well posts of this violent nature are about to make a comeback.Don't worry my dear reader I still have at least on more season of math violence left before you shall be relieved forever or their gruesome nature. (i.e. I have one more math class after this one then I am done!)

My Math Career
Algebra 1A - nice very interesting, amazing teacher, average class
Algebra 1B - nice and challenging, average teacher, crazy class
Geomerty- hard, good but wimpy teacher, rotten class
Algebra 2 - hard and painful, sprouted two posts (see above), rotten teacher,
MTH 101 - hard but good, great teacher, good class
MTH 112- average to extremely hard depending, great teacher, good class

I dont like...

2010-02-03T21:33:00.002-06:00

Lonely moments. They hit me from no where and they stink. Generally I don't mind. I usually enjoy being single but there are moments when it just really stinks. I am not a social butterfly. At about 6 people I start to become very quite and awkward- some say I am anti-social and yeah its true. I can not express how awkward and uncomfortable crowd situations are for me- its awful. I do have three really good friends but one lives 8hrs away, one lives 2hrs away, and one I can't really show up at her house feeling rotten. I have started to have brief thoughts of dating just for the purpose of have a friend and some "adventure" in my life. I never would actually do this but there are times when it sounds real good. My days are the same thing every day, no friends, same schedule, same questions, same answers, blah, blah, lonely lame, blah. There I'm done.

Psalm 23 Today's version...

The Lord is my friend; I shall not want.
He maketh me to sleep in a warm bed: he leadeth me beside still study rooms.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of purity for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of singleness, I will fear no matchmakers: for thou art with me; thy voice and thy hugs they comfort me.
Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of many couples: thou anointest my head with smiles; my heart runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

p.s.
Ludy love story link- it is a big file to download but it is really good.
FYI minutes 23-24 are what I feel when I make posts like this one.

Brothers NOT bothers

2010-01-30T20:18:00.004-06:00

I started this post after I had finished writing about Sam. I have been reading, thinking and praying many things lately. And I don't know…I just want to start making a real effort to honor and uplift my brothers, because they truly are my best friends. I want Him to continue being a man of God. I want them to continue becoming young men of God. I don't quite know how to start so I am starting here. Matthew, I look up to you, I miss you. Daniel, you make me pray. Sam, you're a gift.

I used to think of my brothers as bothers. But now I don't really think of them in that context, I still have my moments, but overall they are my brothers not my bothers.

Bothers

Growing up people would find out I had three brothers and they immediately pitied me. I was the poor little girl. The sad thing is that I would sometimes play to it. Saying "yeah, but its not so bad" and things like that. It seems that people expected my life to be horrible because I had multiple brothers. But that is not true.

There are moments when they are bothers sure. When there are literally twelve towels ruminating on the bathroom floor I can get really annoyed. When I am having a bad day they can be buggy. When my brothers get mad they really upset me. When my brothers leave me alone it really can bug me.

Brothers

I have always loved having three brothers, and sure they have rubbed off on me (like high heels, seriously what is with them?!!) but I don't mind, in fact I love it.

I get the best of both worlds in many ways. For example

 I get to wear skirts, (while fencing)

 and fence (as in sword fight)

 I get to change my own car oil

 and listen to loud techno

 or sit on chairs that feel like they are kicking you (some sort of gaming chair thing that is cool/really creepy!)

 I get to cook- and watch it be devoured by them

 I get to fight and laugh

 I will actually eat food in front of guys (oh my goodness!!) and I won't care if the girls around me think I'm a pig

 I am confident and self assured.

 I can hold my own

 I am loved and cared for

 I can shoot a shotgun and a 9mil

 And many more

My brothers and I have had many adventures and schemes, and I love them for it. Each of my brothers bring their own influence in my life.

Matthew (21), is smart and has an amazing sense of humor, he is able to find hilarious things to share (i.e. youtube top gear videos). He is an amazing photographer. He helps me to act my age. He makes me think.

Daniel (17) is my favorite brother which is somewhat amazing. He makes me laugh and be ridiculous. He is annoying as all get out, but I still tolerate him for some unknown reason. He is the noise of the house. He can make Matthew laugh (a talent I wish I had)! He is younger than me. He is also a middle child, maybe that is why we are "as thick as thieves". He stretches my patience and helps me to watch my tongue and actions.

Samuel (12) is the hardest brother to write about because I don't quite know how to describe him and his influence on my life. Sam is very unique in that he is the baby, he has epilepsy, he has a servant's heart. Samuel is still innocent. Samuel is a very "black and white" person and because of this he is my greatest daily test of patience. He makes me slow down and care. He makes me think and pray.

Love Y'all

E-beth

Its Okay to be Lonely

2010-01-30T19:08:00.003-06:00

Revelation of the year:

I'm feeling rather melancholy.

( This post was a draft I made around 11/6/09) I was hoping it would show up as that date but apparently not.)

New Posters

2010-01-25T21:52:00.002-06:00

New Pos ters- yeah

Click to see larger (as usual)

The Pastor did a series on praying, in a handout he gave where some names of God and where they were found in the Bible. After looking up the scriptures I came up with this poster.

Over the Christmas break I strayed a bit in that I did not have a daily relationship with God. I was not sinning but I was not taking the time to be with God either. It was/is funny how I could/can feel the difference when I do not get together with God. I did not really talk to God from December 9 to January 22. I am now right with Him. This poster was a result of reading My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers - January 15th to be exact. If you have never read or heard of My Utmost I would highly, highly, highly encourage you to, you can grow and learn a TON about God through this book!

Armor of God

2010-01-25T21:39:00.005-06:00

The Armor of God - my style (click for larger picture)
Be strong in God and his mighty power. Put on all of God's armor, so that you can stand strong against the Devils plans. The fight is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, authorites, and the dark powers of this world, against spiritual forces of evil. So put on all of God's armor, so when evil comes at you, you can stand tall even after everything beats against you. Stand strong with the belt of truth on your waist, and the breastplate of righteousness on your chest. Stand strong and be at peace with the gospel of peace on your feet. Also carry and use the shield of faith, then you will be able to put out all the flaming arrows of the evil guy. Wear salvation as a hood, covering all in Jesus's saving grace. Carry the Bible everywhere, it is the sword of the spirit- the powerful words of God.

Love him- Sam

2010-01-21T19:50:00.006-06:00

I love this phone conversation I just had. Just as I was arriving on campus for my night class the tornado sirens started to go off. I went to my building and talked to the professor then sat in the lobby. Classes ended up being canceled as the entire campus had no electricity. I left the building and called home to tell my parents I was headed home and was safe and would drive safely. The answering machine picked up, then Sam picked up the phone when he heard it was me. Here is our conversation:

Answering machine: "This is the "Smiths" we’re not here right now please leave a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can, Thanks."
Elizabeth: "Smith's this is Elizabeth, just callin to say that I am on my way..."
Sam: "Hello?"
Elizabeth: “Sam?, Where’s Mom?”
Sam: “She’s at the “browns”.”
Elizabeth: “What is she doing?”
Sam: “Talking”
Elizabeth: “Okay well can you tell her when she gets back that I am headed home?”
Sam: “Don’t you have school?”
Elizabeth: “No”, we don’t have electricity so we don’t have school.”
Sam: “Oh, well be sure to use your lights.”
Elizabeth: ‘No, we don’t have lights that is why I am coming home. Tell mom I am coming home and will drive safe, ok?”
Sam: “no, your car lights”
Elizabeth: “oh, okay ”
Sam: “Elizabeth? Make sure you turn on your cars lights ok.
Elizabeth: “yeah I will make sure I use my car lights.”
Sam: “good it’s not safe without them.”
Elizabeth: “yeah it’s not. Okay, I’m gonna go tell mom okay.”
Sam: “okay”
*Mom picks up the phone, Sam and me end conversation*

Haha I love Samuel he is really annoying sometimes, but he is also so nice! He always wants to help us. When he was little he was always asking for hugs. Now he is always asking us if we need help, or giving us advice…even if we know it. I love how he is so, so, so Sam, I guess- he is just great. In some ways he is the best of my brothers in that he is always there, Sam is a Mr, Steady in many ways. His routine spills over into ours and can have a calming effect. Love you Sam.

Human

2009-12-09T22:04:00.003-06:00

I want a human to talk with. A human that is on the same level as me spiritually. A human with whom I can gush God and have them understand completely.I want someone who understands 1 Peter 1:8 and feels the same way. I want a deep friend.

oh p.s. a friend that lives near enough that we can meet several times a month.

Gooder

2009-12-06T21:53:00.005-06:00

I regularly read this blog. Lately one of the authors has posted on the subject of singleness, dating, etc. The author does an amazing job of stating things clearly- things that I am not so good at clearly expressing. Therefor here are the links...They express well what I cannot express well.

I am Thankful for this season of Singleness because I know it is where God has me. I also know that being single is not wrong but a great blessing in that it gives me the time to get to know God better and prepare for marriage. (The blue links go the the posts she made)

I am waiting. I can't wait till I meet my guy, but until then I am content with God.

Why I am waiting. I believe that it is a man's responsibility to lead in a relationship. I believe that God should be the prince of my heart before my man is the Prince of my heart. Through this time of waiting I am learning to turn to God when I have lonely tears, or overwhelming joy, I am learning to rely on God.

Who am I waiting on?? I am waiting on my Prince, my Man, my Warrior-Poet. I don't really have a list of what I want my guy to look like, do, or believe. Sure I have a few desires but they rarely surface when I am thinking of my Guy. The only requirement that I can think of is that my Guy be completely inescapable consumed with Jesus, that his heart is following strong after God, not me. I want to be put second.

While I am waiting there are so many things to do! I currently getting more and more involved with the youth at church and I love it!

Worth the wait? Yes! My reader please understand, I do not think that life will suddenly become blissful with little elves and birds singing-no. But I do believe that by following hard after God- not guys, I will meet a man who is so in love with his savior that he is not focused on the things of this world.

So there are the posts, I may make individual posts about some I am not yet sure.

Revelation of the Day part Uno

2009-11-24T11:28:00.004-06:00

On the radio this morning they were talking about why more and more people do not want to get married- they do not want to give up their freedom. Then a DJ gave the following examples (piano, kids). And it clicked in my head about giving and getting God's freedom.

We have to give up the freedom of our time to learn to play the piano. We gain the freedom of being able to play masterpieces.

We have to give up the freedom of singleness to be married. We have to give up the freedom of time to have kids. We gain the freedom and joy of decades of family, laugher, love, and joy.

If we give up the freedom of our will to God we gain God's freedom.

What better freedom can there be?

Am I Enough?

2009-11-22T14:41:00.004-06:00

Dear Child,

I know you are tired and alone. I know that you are confused and trying to figure out how to help this world but not be in it. I know you feel lost every day trying to know me and relate to others. I know you are trying to figure out where you belong and what you will do if you leave where you are. But now I have a question, Am I enough? Am I enough when you are tired of school, family, and this world? Am I enough when you are exhausted of being different? Is my love enough when you are alone for hours, days, and years? Is my trust and confidence in you enough when you cannot clearly explain or express you trust in me to others? Is my hope and plans for you enough when you are considering leaving your world for mine? Am I enough? Am I enough to lead and love you? Am I enough that you will put aside your confusion and restraint and live for me? Am I enough? Will I be enough if you leave your parents and their hopes for me and mine? Oh dear child I love you so much. I understand your confusion and reluctance to follow my will. But I also know the perfect plans I have for you. I know how you can no longer be comfortable in general society. I know how you don't know what to do. But I am here. I love your heart and soul so much I will not forsake you. My dear child I am here. Now I ask again. Am I enough? Oh how I love you.

Your Abba

Yahweh

Lightbulb

2009-11-09T19:56:00.004-06:00

I just finished reading “The Pioneer Woman’s” blog posts on her love story “Black Heels to Tar Heels” (or something like that) there are like 30 something posts but they are so good! I know not very appealing to the masculine heart (sorry male readers), oh well. Question.Can you tell by the use of that word (masculine) that I have just finished another Ludy book? Well I have, I just finished reading “Answering the Guy Questions” by Leslie Ludy. Honestly I don’t know that it answered all that many questions (not that I had many). But it was a good refresher/ mentor as I continue to walk this path. Lately I have defiantly been growing. I honestly don’t even care about meeting my man (most times) and when I do care and get lonely I am learning to apply this quote:

“Don’t satisfy their loneliness with relationships. Christ-like princesses are found on their knees in hidden retreats with their King or in the battlefield of human service or in diligent study of their Princes ways”

(I found the quote in the Guy Question book.)

Funny thing is I know God is changing me because about 3 weeks ago I wrote to God after my car broke down and I asked for a friend-my “godly friends” prayer. My “godly friend’s prayer” has been my request for the past couple of months to anyone who asks how they can pray for me. The “godly friend” prayer started in august as our small group restarted and I was once again the youngest by a good twenty years, alone in our church I wanted relationships! Then like 2 weeks ago I went to a dark quiet parking lot at church and sobbed my guts out. I mean crying, snot, tears, the whole deal. I was begging and pleading and screaming for a friend. I then cried everything from “could not see the road tears” to “slight sniffles” the whole way home- after the 30min parking lot cry session! Now BIG priority shift! I feel like such an idiot for wanting a “godly relationship” I mean I know that such a thing exists- I have had them before. But to be honest I feel like such an idiot! As I was crying out to God for a friend he just let me stand there, always at my side, never mean, probably a little sad that I was forsaking him for a human. For example I recently prayed:

“Dear Lord,

I want JoeorJane to become a friend with who I can grow in you with. But I don’t know that heshe knows you as I do, and it makes me sad. I want a friend! Lord give contentment or send me a friend. Amen”

HAHAHA major “light bulb moment” God has given me contentment !!! (hence I know I am changing)

Dear Lord,

I recant those prayers for relationships. I was not relying or turning to you, I am sorry. I now just want to know you more! Amen.

Wow don’t know what to write. I started this entry because the pioneer love story stirred my heart for an earthly romance but now I am ending with overwhelming love- joy for my Prince- as it should be! God is so cool!

So I know that quote is true and I think and hope it is starting to happen in my life. I don’t even want relationships now- as they would distract me from my Prince. K I’m gonna say bye before I trip over my tongue. Bye

I hope that was somewhat easy to follow...sorry if it was not I will be working on it later I just wanted to get it published!

hahah I am talking w/ a friend in Alaska and she just SOOooo made my day in the "Godly Friend" area. She is a Lilly among thorns! Neat how you submit to God he really does give you your hearts desire!

She's in Love

2009-11-03T12:11:00.003-06:00

I was reading Answering the Guy Questions by Leslie Ludy. In the book Leslie has the lyrics to a song called She's in Love by According to John. Already I love the song. I want it to be true of me. The book Answering the Guy Questions is not about guys, well actually it is, but not in the sense that the title may imply. I am reading the book for a couple of reasons

1. It is smaller than the rest of the books on my reading list.

2. I want to be able to “develop a God-honoring friendship with a guy”

3. I have more guy friends and associates then I do female.

In the introduction Leslie says:

“Even though this book is about guys, I want to emphasize that Jesus Christ, not guys, must remain the center of our existence. When we have a Christ consumed heart, guys no longer dominate our thoughts, our actions, and our decisions. Rather, the lover of our soul captivates us so completely that every guy we meet clearly sees that Jesus is, and always will be, number one Prince of our hearts. These lyrics from a song by According to John capture this idea beautifully:”

Later on in the book Leslie says:

“When you become consumed with Jesus Christ, dealing with guys becomes less confusing!”

I have found this so true. I do not want this to be a “me-trip” however I literally have no desire to be with guys romantically. God has made himself so much more than enough for me.

I feel like I am leaving you (the reader) hanging, sorry. I am not quite sure how to finish this post off. I will try and come back to this post after I finish the next one, maybe then I will know what the “perfect” ending is :P

The Wall

2009-10-29T20:56:00.007-05:00

The Wall.
I have always wanted a blank wall on which I can draw, doodle, paint, and create on. However having a blank wall will probably only occur when I move out. So as a temporary fix I have created a Wall for myself. The Wall consists of butcher paper behind a strip of muslin. I plan to but some of my posters sayings on the wall. Here are pictures of my first
creation...

The Start : ive God

ive your life unas God

ive your life unashamed for God

The Finish: Live your life unashamed for God. (click to see details!)

An add on (after this was originally published)

An add/update on (after this was originally published)

Mature Childlike Purity

2009-10-25T14:33:00.004-05:00

Here is my “random thought of the day”. Purity is a heart choice.

While reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne I came across the following: “But as we have matured (Matured? Maybe aged in wisdom…)” The part “Matured? Maybe aged in wisdom…” struck me, not two weeks ago a good friend and I had been talking about being “Mature Children”. Or young adults that though mature in knowledge and faith we are still capable of laughing, playing, and being silly. I truly belief that a “Mature Child” is the best thing to be.

Also I was recently listening to a Ludy youtube video/podcast and Eric spoke of the difference between innocence and purity.
Purity: The quality or state of being pure , knowing full well what the world is made of and still choosing to remain spotless
Innocence: a freedom from guilt or sin through being unacquainted with evil, ignorance of the perversity of this world

Innocence is ignorance of all the “facts of life”, all the cuss words, all the violence that occurs around us every day. Innocence is a child who has not been damaged or polluted by the world’s evil.

Purity however is quite different. Purity knows the “facts of life”, knows what all the words and gestures mean, knows about the evil that permeates life. But purity is not taking action on that knowledge.

I tend to say I have a “closet” in my head. In this closet God at my pleading request puts all of my knowledge of this world. In this closet all of the worlds perversity of love, all the crude language, all the horror, pain, and gruesome evil is locked inside this closet. Purity is not the absence of knowledge it is the absence of action.

Thus to me a mature childlike purity is mature in knowledge and spirit but pure in action towards that knowledge. I am fairly sure that Paula, Jessica, and myself are close to being mature pure children. I know that God can create such a purity as he done so in me.
My parents did a wonderful job raising me and maintaining my innocence. I did not lose my innocence to this world till I was about 16, an extremely old age in this day and age. As most children probable lose their innocence by 11 (this is based on my experience working at church and at summer camp).

I remember going into public high school and being assaulted by the evil. I had a long innocent childhood, my innocence was carefully protected. Prior to high school I had lived in a 90% pure environment. At 14 I already knew the “facts of life” but they had never bothered me. However in high school the continually perversity blindsided me! I did not know how to avoid it, it stuck in my head on rewind for ages. I could not get it out!

When I realized what had been stealing my life, purity, and hope I started to call out to God. I asked him to “take it out”. “stop it”, and “clean my thoughts” whenever evil came into my mind. At first it seemed like nothing was changing but then I just stopped thinking perverse evil things. Thoughts that looking back, I am now convinced the evil one put in my head (he can do that).

One day it hit me from nowhere God had cleaned up my gunky crud! I no longer even knew the specifics of the junk that had rolled around my cranium. That is not to say I never think or say something bad, I do. However wrong things are much easier to dismiss and completely forget. I said how there is a “closet” in my head, a closet made by God. I can think of the closet, I know it exists and I have a vague recollection of what is safely shut within but no distinct memories exist. God has taken them! God has made me pure, not innocent but clean.

Because God has/is purifying me I think I am well on my way to becoming a child of purity. A woman who can explore creeks, play in the rain, fence with kitchen utensils while wearing a skirt (lots of fun but a story for another time), hug the accosted, smile and even laugh during tempests of life, cry and sing at the love of her God! God is cleaning and refining my heart. I can not explain it. I am not meaning to brag on me but on God, he has done an amazing work within me!
So to my fellow playmates Paula and Jessica. To my best bud Daniel. To those such as I who are still being refined, take heart our God is mighty to save!

Editors needed

2009-10-25T14:05:00.002-05:00

I am trying to edit my previous posts so if you see errors such as grammar, spelling, or run on sentences please leave me a comment. also if something is not clear or easy to understand please tell me and i will try to rewrite it in such a way that it makes more sense.